“This site is dedicated to preying on peoples vanity, ignorance, or loneliness, gaining their trust and betraying them without remorse.”

Saturday, January 08, 2011

Part 4 - 2010 Bosco Awards

"Where'd everbody go? Did they all go home? Don' wanna play no more?"

Part 4 – 2010 Bosco Awards

All right folks, we’re back and things seem to have settled down over in the VIP section, although I see Robert Gibbs and Michaele Salahi are missing.
Damn, over in the Dick’s Section, it looks like Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid also have gone AWOL. At this rate, we won’t have any audience left.

Well, anyway our next award will be presented by Nobel Prize winning economist Paul Krugman.

He will be presenting the Bosco for Economic Genius award to Rufus for these two posted economic series.

1. The “What Me Worry” Series

rufus said...

"They "might" be able to bring this puppy in at -$990 Billion. I'm not betting on it, but it's "possible."

Mon Apr 12, 02:44:00 PM EDT

rufus said...

"In fact, it might be quite a bit less than that. April is the biggie. Absolutely no idea how April (the month we normally run a pretty good surplus - except last year - will come in.)"

Mon Apr 12, 04:00:00 PM EDT
          rufus said...

"Po ol' Rufus. They tol him how stoopid he wuz when he said the Budget Deficit might come in under a Trilyun, insted a that 1.5T they wuz all talkin about."

"Gotch'er $1.5T right'cher young'uns. "

Mon Apr 12, 04:05:00 PM EDT

rufus said...

"Where'd everbody go? Did they all go home? Don' wanna play no more?"

Mon Apr 12, 04:08:00 PM EDT

Classic Rufus. But it doesn’t stop there.

1.       The Assumed Ladder Series

Mon Jul 26, 11:51:00 PM EDT
rufus said...
The Deficit will be Huge. It will be well over a Trillion Dollars. It Won't be $1.47 Trillion. Not that it matters; It's still Huge.

Interesting question: How do you "fix" it? Really?

Better question: How do you get it down to a manageable 2% of GDP?

Will all of this work out just like I'm saying? Of course not. Our economy is much too complex, and dynamic for such simple analysis. However, this goes to show that we're Not looking at the intractable, systemic problems that should make you go looking for a tall building. Our problems are manageable.

Some, however, are much more serious than this one. The budget deficit is, actually, the Easiest problem we are facing.

Basically, you have to chop a $Trillion. Hmm. First, what happens if we can get back to 5% unemployment? 8 Million people back to work would pay about, oh, I don't know, let's say $400 Billion.

That puts us down to $600 Billion shortfall to overcome. Cancel out the Police Action in Iraq, and the whatever it is in Afghanistan - Probable Savings $200 Billion. We're down to $400 Billion.

Raise top rate to 39% - Approx increase in Revenues $500 Billion. Oops, we just overshot our mark by $100 Billion. Tweak Soc Sec by comb. of raising age of max benefits a couple of years, raising the max income SS Taxes are paid on, and indexing to inflation, rather than wages. Savings approx $100 Billion/Yr.

These actions recoup $1.2 Trillion Dollars, and would leave us with a Deficit of approx 1%, or a little less, of GDP - Basically, a "balanced budget."

Sun Jul 25, 10:38:00 AM EDT

There you have it folks, no problems.  And this award is a well deserved tribute to a well deserving guy. 

Bloggertrish said...
Archived material cannot be used for the purpose of...

Well, it just can't.
Sat Jul 24, 12:25:00 PM EDT
Well, as you see, we just did.  Once it’s launched into cyberspace it’s always in cyberspace.

But we can’t leave ol Ruf hanging.  Therefore, we are also awarding him the Bosco for the Now You’re Talking award for The Plan.

rufus said...

I have an idea sloshing around in the back of my head that I can't shake. It brought me wide awake after only a couple of hours of sleep. It's been "bothering" me for several weeks, now.

I'm going to call it "The Plan." It excites me, but it "worries" me. Am I going to have to, actually, do something about it? What? It's going to be a huge "pain in the ass" if I do. It has the potential of completely screwing up a "peaceful" retirement.

I think I'll kind of work out a few of my thoughts, here, over the next few weeks, months, whatever. Bear with me. I know you are all Expert "Scrollers," so feel free to "Scroll away."

"The Plan"

To show that Tunica County, Ms. can become Entirely Energy Self-Sufficient. To lay out a groundwork for producing 100% of the Fuel Transportation, and Electricity the County needs, locally, and without using any finite fossil fuel supplies.

Also, "The Plan" is intended to "Lower" the costs of energy for the County, while providing many good-paying jobs, and, within 10, or so, years culminating in utility bills at least 50% lower than today.

"The Plan" will utilize Wind Power, Solar Power, and Biomass to produce Ethanol, and Bio-Diesel. It will have to pass "Real World" Tests. The Costs will have to be In-line with "Established" Industry Standards, and the ideas will have to be "Implementable" in the "Real World”…

…With Deuce's indulgence I'll pick this up a little later. I'm going to go for a drive.
Wed Nov 24, 02:31:00 AM EST

Finally, someone in this damn place that has a plan and has decided to act on it.  Let’s give him a hand folks.

Alright Rufus come on up and collect this hardware.  You’ve got a flock of bears here.

“Come on up Ruf…  Hey, will someone kick that guy.  Aw, never mind.  Let him sleep.”

Our next Bosco celebrates something a little different, the ingenuity of man when he finds himself drifting alone in cyberspace.  This year’s Coping Award goes to WiO.

What is "Occupation" said...

I guess the pig fat lube is out now as well?

Sun Jan 24, 08:41:00 AM EST

What is "Occupation" said...

where did ya go?

Sun Jan 24, 08:44:00 AM EST

What is "Occupation" said...

it's like i am in never never land

Sun Jan 24, 08:44:00 AM EST

What is "Occupation" said...

twilight zone

Sun Jan 24, 08:45:00 AM EST

What is "Occupation" said...

i am in blog limbo...

Sun Jan 24, 08:45:00 AM EST

What is "Occupation" said...

it's the fool pants thing

Sun Jan 24, 08:45:00 AM EST

"What is "Occupation" said...

or maybe SATAN

Sun Jan 24, 08:45:00 AM EST

What is "Occupation" said...

yea that's the ticket


Sun Jan 24, 08:46:00 AM EST

What is "Occupation" said...

I am in hell...

never to be seen again...

Sun Jan 24, 08:51:00 AM EST

What is "Occupation" said...

really no loss

Sun Jan 24, 08:51:00 AM EST

What is "Occupation" said...

it's ok, i am used to talking to myself

Sun Jan 24, 09:58:00 AM EST
Ok.  Great effort WiO.  Although shouldn't that have been ha-satan instead of Satan?  Oh well, we’ve all been there.  It takes a lot of willpower to keep tossing them out there when nothing is coming back.  And on a Sunday morning too.  Good man.

Our next Bosco is for the Bobbing Head Doll Award.  This year’s award goes to that ramblin gamblin man, Linear Thinker, for this outstanding post:

linearthinker said...

"Each time I read a Teresita comment accompanied by the cute little blonde chick, I smile as I nod my head."

Fri Jul 30, 06:00:00 PM EDT

LT you dog. 

I tell you folks this guy is usually so horny he would screw a snake if someone held the rattle.
Hey LT, there’s a lady named Evelyn out back that’s looking for you.  Says you'd know why. 

Heh. Heh.  Just kidding man.  Just kidding.

Whoa, easy there.

This is a family bar.  No obscene gestures please.  Heh. Heh. By the way, what did that gesture represent, your IQ or your sperm count?

Ok.  Ok. 

Hey, just bustin your balls a bit.  You da man.  We love you here.  Congrats on the award.

Hey, let’s keep that same spirit of camaraderie going with our next Bosco.

All right, the next Bosco is for the More Than We Needed To Know award.  This year’s award goes to our favorite expat in the country down under, that prodigious poster of sometimes interesting stuff, that raging metrosexual, Sam the Man.

This year’s award will be presented by the stars of the hit show “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”.

He receives this year’s award for the following two gems:

Sam said...


"Pretty tame video. Never waxed down there but I do shave regularly every 2 months."

Tue Jan 12, 10:12:00 PM EST


Sam said...

"Well, I should say I use #1 on my nuts and #3 on the rest. I'll take the #3 part down to #2 next time."

Tue Jan 12, 10:24:00 PM EST

Steller performance.  Thank you Sam.

In addition to the award, we are going to have a special guest star, Miss Katy Perry, sing a song she composed specifically for this award.

Great stuff Sam.  It’s a brave new world out there and you are definitely in the vanguard leading the charge.

And hey, if the chicks like it who can complain? 

Speaking of which, there’s this post from that swinging Pennsylvania chick, Melody.

MeLoDy said...

"Although, I like my men strong and aggressive, I have a soft spot for those who dabble a little in being metro sexual."

Sat Aug 21, 11:00:00 PM EDT

Nuff said.

Wouldn’t mind seeing that soft spot myself.

Speaking of Melody, how about this one?

MeLoDy said...

"I stood in front of the mirror, my golden brown body sun kissed from the day before, staring back at me, wondering whether I should wait till morning. I waited. With the shades drawn tight not letting any sun in and my clock still flashing red numbers from the power outage days before, I opened my eyes and couldn't tell what time of the day it was. I stepped out of the air conditioned room only to find it being too early to do what I had set out to do. I relaxed in front of the TV, sipping my coffee, waiting for the perfect moment.

The time has come. I turned the knob to the left and waited for the room to fill with steam. I lifted my leg and stepped in to feel the warm water rush over my face and listened, for a few moments, to the echo of water drenching my head.

At last…I get to wash my hair."

Tue Jun 15, 12:34:00 PM EDT

No award, I just like re-reading it over and over and over.

Hey Whit.  Can I get an amen?

Heh.  Heh.

Speaking of sexuality.  On this subject, there will be no awards lest I be accused of being condescending on the one hand or too PC on the other.

We have had Selah here for many years as our lone lesbian representative of the gay community.  However, this has been a breakout year at the EB.

Whit once commented
 whit said...

"I suspect that Ash is a metrosexual and Teresita is a thespian."

Mon Sep 06, 12:41:00 PM EDT

Well, what about these guys,

rufus said...

"I think I'm turning Gay."

Fri Oct 22, 12:49:00 PM EDT


What is "Occupation" said....

"Can straight men come and play too or are we excluded?

I have always felt 55% - 65% of lesbians just never met the right man, or have been abused as a child...

I guess some women actually might feel like they only want a women but maybe it's just the pressure to be politically correct.

I point to myself as an example, I am actually a lesbian.

I really dont like men, they are stinky,,,

I like boobs and fuzzy places, not turgid rods of flesh...

Hell, I am not even fond of my own thing, i tolerate it...I'd rather play with a woman's thing than my own...

Given any day, I'd rather play with a woman's set of knockers than my man boobs...

Again, i'd rather squeeze Jenn Aniston's ass than Mike Dikas's..

Now tell me, from a scientific point of view there is really no difference from a man ass or a woman's, but no I dont want to squeeze the man's ass.. I want the womans...

So I am a lesbian... A real one, one with a penis..."

Tue Sep 14, 10:40:00 AM EDT

Let’s face it folks.  If this trend continues Deuce will be changing the name of this bar as well as the decorations.  The name of the Elephant Bar will have to be be changed to “The Closet” or something similar.  Or, as Whit put it,
whit said...
I think we should change the name of this joint to the "Elephant Bizarre."
Wed Jul 07, 06:02:00 PM EDT

Ok, let’s take another commercial break and when we come back we’ll play out last nominated song for EB Song of the Year

Welcome back.  Now our final nominated song for the EB Song of the Year.  Here is Marc Cohn singing  I’m Already Home

Thanks Marc.    That was great.

All right, there you have it, the four nominated songs for the Bosco for Elephant Bar Song of the Year, the song that best represents the spirit of the EB.

Anyone who wants to vote can do so now.  The winner will be announced later in the program.  Once again the nominees are:

So Much Cooler on Line  by Brad Paisley

I Love This Bar   sung by Toby Keith

Hotel California by the Eagles.

I’m Already Home   sung by Marc Cohn

One of them has to win folks.

Thanks.  You know this is one great crowd.  Is everyone having a good time?


Let’s have another round of applause for Deuce and Whit and the great job they do here at the EB.


I will mention one note of concern I have, is that all of the ‘Whipped Lighting’ seems to have disappeared.  Don’t know where it is and we have a ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ policy here on things like this.  However, a word of warning, that stuff can knock you on your ass when you are taking it directly out of the can.  So be careful people.  It would have been nice if we had something to put it on but the cookies Stella B. Starlight brought to the pot-luck lunch were gone in no time and Whit used up all the Jello shots quelling that little tiff we had outside earlier.

Well, moving on.

Our next Bosco is for the Most All-Encompassing Ad Hominem Attack.  This  award recognizes an extraordinary effort at prolonged ranting.  This year’s award goes to WiO for:

What is "Occupation" said...

"Now to be fair...

I call (bleep) all sorts of names...





Jew Hater

Israel Hater

Zionist Hater








But my motivation is not from the Rules for Radicals...

My motivation?

(bleep) is all of what I said...

I speak truth...

Whereas (bleep) distorts, misdirects and rants when presented with facts...

Oh, did I forget black hearted sub human miscreant?"

Fri Jul 30, 11:13:00 AM EDT

Good effort WiO.

I’m sure we can expect more of the same from you in the future.

Now, keeping with the same low level of discourse, the Bosco for the Let It All Hang-out Girl award goes to Melody for this post:

MeLoDy said...

"Well (bleep) let's just say you're one cock sucking, dick licking, pussy snatching funny motherfucker."


Tue Jul 27, 09:

Whoa baby!  Pretty heavy stuff.  But note, she says it with a smile.  It’s going to take a while to wind down from some of these posts so let’s go to another commercial break.  We’ll be right back.

Whew.  Still wound up from some of those posts, but damn we’re here to party.  Let’s lighten things up a little.

Each holiday we get a number of seasonal posts meant to extend the spirit of the particular holiday.  This year’s Bosco for the Spirit of Easter award goes to the rat for this one.

desert rat said...

"Hippidy hoppity Easter is here!

It's just another shitty day in Paradise, darlin'.

Car bombings in Baghdad -
Children bein' raped in the Congo.

Your good Lord, he does work in mysterious ways.

Mine, they let's me work out my problems, myself. Vengeance is mine to take, sayeth Thor & Odin, not theirs to bestow.

The Swedes, those real old school living on the edge Swedes, they knew the real deal.

Before those nasty Romans changed the religion game and turned all those whirled conquering pagans into socialist sissies."

Sun Apr 04, 08:11:00 AM EDT

desert rat said...

"Not to forget the Lord's good works through pedophile Priests, here and abroad.

The Chief Priest, his spokes folk dismiss this challenge to the Church's credibility, as gossip, perhaps rumors, as well?.

According to a report from the Wall Street Journal

A senior Vatican cardinal defended Pope Benedict during an Easter Mass in St. Peter's Square attended by the pope, dismissing criticism of the pontiff's handling of the sexual-abuse crisis as "gossip".

Sun Apr 04, 08:19:00 AM EDT

Thanks, rat, for that inspiring, uplifting epistle.

I’m sure we all went away a little lighter of heart after that.

Nothing says, “Happy Easter” like a post from rat.

OK rat, come on up and rope this little bear statuette.

Well folks, as you know we are nothing if not jokesters here at the EB.  With that in mind, we would like to highlight some of the contributions of our many posters.  And while none of these rise to the level of Bosco-Worthy they still do provide an occasional chuckle.

"The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.

The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ...

"In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."

"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests" "What is your FIRST request???'

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.
"You have a very fine and loyal horse", "But I will still kill you in two days."

"What is your SECOND request???" The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.

As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.

She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your LAST request?"

The Lone Ranger responds,”I'd like to speak to my horse, alone."

The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, "READ MY LIPS!!!!"

FOR... THE... LAST... TIME...


Wed Jun 23, 06:33:00 PM EDT

*      sam said...
*      Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
*      Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
*      'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
*      'Sure.'
*      'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
*      'No, I can remember it.'
*      'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
*      He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
*      'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
*      Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
*      Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs..
*      She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast ?'
*      Tue Sep 28, 11:52:00 PM EDT
*      And from our Mensa winner,
*      The Cleaning Lady said...
*      Abbreviated Version:
*      Elderly couple got in the car after dining out and drove several miles down the road before the woman noticed she forgot her purse at the restaurant.
*      The husband cursed all the way as they turned around and drove back.
*      When they finally reached the restaurant, the husband said, get my hat while you're in there too.
*      ...........................
*      I think we're on the same mailing list.
*      Wed Sep 29, 12:10:00 AM EDT

And now,
MeLoDy said...

Mel is ignoring all emails relating to and or containing any words that in any way resemble barackobama.com. She is sticking to all medical advice that flows through the deep crevices of her mailbox.

Up first women's health issue. Margaritas…The cure all…

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

* Do you suffer from shyness?
* Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
* Do you suffer exhaustion from the day to day grind?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas.

Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Margaritas can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you are ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Margaritas.

Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Margaritas. However, women who wouldn't mind
nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include:
- Dizziness
- Nausea
- Vomiting
- Incarceration
- Erotic lustfulness
- Loss of motor control
- Loss of clothing
- Loss of money
- Loss of virginity
- Table dancing
- Headache
- Dehydration
- Dry mouth
- And a desire to sing Karaoke

* The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

* The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

* The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think you can sing.

Wed Oct 20, 08:18:00 AM EDT


rufus said...
This is really funny.  The Race Card is Maxed Out

Jon Stewart, and the Comedy Show "Black Correspondent."

Fri Aug 13, 02:57:00 AM EDT

sam said...

On holidays in India recently, I saw a sign that said : English speaking Taxi driver.

I thought, what a good idea, why don’t we have them in our country?

Wed Oct 06, 10:36:00 PM EDT

trish said...

"After the Revolucion, Compadres. After the Revolucion."

Hey, I offered to bring a lovely potato gratin to the Revolution. Surreptitiously, of course.

Figured it would, ah, get me special consideration in the aftermath.
Sat Jul 24, 06:02:00 PM EDT

Thanks guys and gals.

We can always use a chuckle.


At this point in the show, I would like to again recognize the guys who make all this happen.  They put in a tremendous amount of work to keep drinks flowing and the blog streams interesting and continuous.


Activity at the EB usually looks like this clip more or less but it can be amusing and even interesting at times.


Deuce said...

for Rufus' eyes only


Thu Apr 29, 11:57:00 AM EDT


However, right now I’d like to put up a retro from the blog archives that was run earlier this past summer.  No retrospective or awards program could top this.  They can only try to add a little ancillary color over a period of time.


From the archives: Sunday, May 04, 2008 Post 2000 At the EB - Drinks are on the House.


It’s been great from the beginning and given the thousands of posts streams the guys have put up it would be impossible to pick a winner; therefore we are just offering this brief sample from 2010:

Cnange You Face If you don't like your face, change it!

Posted by Deuce at 1/29/2010 05:18:00 PM 6 comments 
Labels: bian lian, Changing face

The Dude Abides

Posted by whit at 1/29/2010 05:14:00 PM 9 comments 

Pole Dancing

Pole Dance video  Deuce  

Posted by Deuce at 4/09/2010 06:45:00 PM 19 comments 
Labels: Pole Dancing

Thanks Deuce and Whit for a Great Job.

Hopefully, there will be thousands more in the coming years.  Let’s face it, we’ll never run out of subjects to discuss.

And that reminds me.

At this time, I like to take a moment to point out some of the holidays we didn’t celebrate at the EB this year, holidays that may have presented some unique opportunities for classic posts.
Things We Missed This Year

•        Martin Luther  King Holiday  Jan 18, 2010 

[Perhaps a celebratory brunch featuring finger sandwiches and devilled eggs]

•        International Earth Day   March 20, 2010 at 1:32 pm (EDT) 

[Earth Day falls on the day of the vernal equinox.  Perhaps a toga party with unbridled abandon]

•        “420”   April 20, 2010   

[Designated day for celebrating the smoking of marijuana.  Enough said.  Perhaps some munchies]

•        Oprah’s No Phone Day   April 30, 2010

[Turn off your phone and enjoy the silence.  Sounds kind of boring, but hell it’s Oprah’s No Phone Day.  Don’t mess with Oprah]

•        A moment in time (pictures)      May 2, @ 15:00 Hours (UTC)

[Take a picture and add it to this marvelous global mosaic.  If you’ve got nothing better to do, what the hell]

•        A Moment of Darkness  July 17, 2010

[The idea is to turn out your lights and enjoy the night sky.  However, I guess once the lights go out anything goes.  Be careful in high crime areas]

•        International Beer Day  August 5, 2010  

[Like “420”, this holiday is self-explanatory.  There has been a growing effort to move this holiday along with “420” to the vernal equinox and the toga party, have a “Moment of Darkness” and enjoy a real holiday.  If you approve of this idea, please let your officials in D.C. know of your wishes]

Missed opportunities.  Perhaps next year.

And now my personal Bosco for Humanitarian of the Year award goes to Deuce for,

Deuce said...

"There is no proof that it ever happened."

Wed Sep 29, 07:24:00 AM EDT

Deuce said...

"Eyewitness testimony is very suspect."

Wed Sep 29, 07:24:00 AM EDT

Thanks Deuce.

Now let’s recognize a young metaphysician who’s making a big splash at the EB lately.  Melody’s a young girl who has long nurtured an intense interest in the Zodiac and the life lessons provided by the stars.  She has recently taken her enthusiasm and her art to new levels as she turned professional here at the EB and posted the horoscopes for Sagittarius and Capricorn.

Here’s a partial,

MeLoDy said...

Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19

My photo

"The celestial bodies are the cause of all that takes place in the sublunar world" ~Thomas Aquinas…


Tue Dec 21, 08:28:00 PM EST

Great work Mel.

Everyone at Souls-R-Us is proud of you.

And now we have a special Bosco that is being awarded to Ash. It’s the Better Late Than Never” award.

The official cutoff for the 2010 nominations was November 30; however, it took Ash so long to get in a good post that didn’t fall into the ‘exceptions’ category that the committee decided to make another exception and allow in this fine post.

Ash said...

animated stats:


Sat Dec 11, 09:27:00 AM EST

Great job Ash. Try and get them in on time next year.

You will note that Ash would have qualified for the Too Lazy to Link award had we awarded it.

Therefore, H/T to Deuce for this policing action,

Deuce said...

excellent link

Sat Dec 11, 09:33:00 AM EST

And speaking of Too Lazy Too Link, even though I have to create the link myself, I have to recognize Trish for this crazy commercial

trish said...

"Just thought I'd mention that in a rare confluence, EB and Balloon Juice had Kylie Minogue posts within hours of one another. At the latter establishment, it was Annie Laurie who posted a safe for work version of Minogue's - how to put it? - potentially discombobulating Hanes underwear ad:"

I've been listening to the song ever since.

Wed Jun 09, 10:21:00 AM EDT

The commercial is cool, the music catchy, Kylie is hot, and the theme just perverse enough to make it interesting.  The main question it leaves, however, is “What is the significance of the horse?”  Your answer to that question may go a long ways in defining you and your past experiences.

Nice job Trish.

And since we granted one exception in December, we had to grant one for this History's Mysteries award granted to WiO.

What is "Occupation" said...

Condom History

In 1872 the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.

In 1873 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

Sat Dec 04, 03:19:00 PM EST

You said it bro.  And for saying it you get that special award. 

Good job.

Ok guys and gals, we are now approaching the big one in tonight’s presentation, the award for Poster of the Year for 2010.  However, before we do that, I would like to show you some of the competition the winner was up against.

Run the clips!!!

rufus said...

“And, for you whining, sniveling little Gen X'ers out there, or Gen Y'ers, or metro-queers, or whatever you're calling yourselves, today, Fuck Off!

It was "My" Soc. Sec. money that the government gave you in your unpaid student loans, and your mortgage tax credit on the houses you flipped, and, ultimately defaulted on.

It was My soc sec money that financed the Wars for Oil that gave you cheap gasoline, and allowed you to cruise around in your gas-guzzling Mercedes, and 4x4's.

So, have a nice day, nitwits; and, oh yeah, don't be late with the check. I wasn't allowed to be late with mine.”

Tue Aug 31, 09:16:00 AM EDT

Nick said...

"Politics suck. Time for a Revolution!"

Sat Jul 10, 12:40:00 AM EDT

Gag Reflex said...

"Does anyone else see the irony of our African American President putting a "Tan" tax on tanning salons? LOL"

Tue Sep 28, 10:06:00 AM EDT

sam said...

"Man driving down road.
Woman driving up same road.

They pass each other.

The woman yells out the window, PIG!

Man yells out window, BITCH!
Man rounds next curve.

Man crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road!

Thought For the Day: If men would just listen."

whit said...

"Two weeks after being rescued from a collapsed mine, A non-English speaking Chilean man is seen on whirled-wide television singing Elvis songs is perfect English.

It is thought that the miner and his companions survived for two months underground in pre-positioned survival pods fashioned from shipping containers.

In related news, the wife and mistress of the last trapped Chilean miner are still waiting for their loved one to resurface."

Jun Nov 07, 01:54:00 PM EST

trish said...

"After the Revolucion, Compadres. After the Revolucion."

                "Hey, I offered to bring a lovely potato gratin to the Revolution. Surreptitiously, of course.
                Figured it would, ah, get me special consideration in the aftermath."

Sat Jul 24, 06:02:00 PM EDT

Doug said...

"Apropos spirited women, where is Ms T these days.

Not to mention Quirk.

Sun Jul 11, 11:47:00 AM EDT
                And responding to “The moon is up and so am I”

Doug said...

...but he forgot the Viagra, so we'll be reading soft porn.

Sun Oct 10, 08:02:00 AM EDT

You guys are crazy.  I’m not kidding.  Crazy.  And what an audience we’ve got here tonight.  I love you guys.
We will be right back for more of this exciting awards show but right now it’s time for another commercial break.

We’re back.
Well I am getting word we are running late and we’ve got a lot of show to go so I will try to speed it up.

Now folks here’s the one you’ve been waiting for the Bosco for…

What the fuck…

Sorry.  Give me a moment ladies and gentlemen.  I'm...

There's some kind of disturbance over in the VIP section.  It looks like Obama was trying to light up a cigarette and now Deuce is all over him about it.  He’s pointing to the no smoking signs posted all over the bar and is yelling like crazy.  He’s calling some of the bouncers over.  Now Robert Gibbs has some of the army rangers and is moving towards Obama’s side.

This could get real ugly real fast.

Deuce seems determined to kick the president out of the bar.  He raises his fist and…

Oh shit!

Someone just threw a pie and it splattered all over Deuce's cape (why the hell he’s still wearing it?  Who the hell knows?).  Anyway he is now incensed, nay livid.  He is screaming something about ‘rented’ and ‘do back tomorrow’. 

The president is pretty wasted and now has a laughing jag going.  And now…

          Oh nutz!

Now a pie has hit Obama.
When I say a pie what I really mean is the missing Whipped Lighting piled high on one of the Costco paper plates.

They’re starting to fly through the air like a snowstorm. 

We thought the first pie might have been thrown by Ash coming to Obama’s aid but I see he’s just coming out of the john trailing toilet paper attached to his heel.  So it couldn’t have been him.

[Speaking of the john’s, more kudos to Deuce and Whit.  The facilities have been completely redone in a truly metrosexual style.  No longer do we have to suffer exposed light bulbs hanging from the ceilings, overhead hand pulls on the toilets, urinal troughs filled with ice, stained cloth towels in those rotary-type dispensers, metal mirrors. 

Now the men’s rest room has a long black marble vanity, adjustable indirect lighting for just the right mood, and even doors on the stalls.  There is an actual mirror, paper towels (handed out by Guierrmo from 6:00 pm to closing), hand dryers for those who prefer them, and individual urinals with side privacy screens and little blue deodorant cakes. 

There is also a trial stall that contains a bidet.  Unfortunately, despite training sessions held daily by Whit, Gag Reflex and Gnossos are the only two guys who have figured out how to use it.

There is also an annex off the main rest room area where manicures and pedicures are offered Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

As for the ladies rest room, obviously I have not seen it; however, I did offer The Cleaning Lady $10 to write “For a good time, call Quirk at 666-810-2731” on the wall.  CL refused but the offer is still open to any of you other ladies that are interested.

I have been told that the ladies facilities are just as plush as the men’s and that there is a bidet in every stall.  Their restroom also offers a choice of air hand dryers or paper towels (handed out by Guierrmo from noon to 6:00) and three separate vanities for the ladies to freshen up.  There are also vending machines for any required necessities.]

Well back to the program.

Hell, it looks like a Soupy Sales skit or a Three Stooges movie in here now.

They are feeding me info that Whit has checked the security camera and it appears rat threw the first pie.  Whit says Stella B. Starlight threw the one that hit Obama.  Wait till I get my hands on her.  He’s the President of the United States for god’s sake.

Things are really deteriorating now.

The entire floor is covered in whipped cream and so are most of the people.  Can’t even see Rufus.  Doug’s back is covered but he is still talking to Danica and seems oblivious to the chaos that surrounds him.  The chicks that were with Gnossos have donned T’s from the wet t-shirt contest and are pelting each other with amazing result.  Gag and LT are making up pies at a feverous pace to assure the girls don’t run out.

Whit is sitting behind the bar with a bemused smile on his face and the barmaids are making up new pies that people can grab.

Rat’s disappeared and it looks like Selah and her friend disappeared right after the fight started.  I don’t see The Cleaning Lady either.

Most of the heavy action is taking place behind the chicken wire in the VIP section.  It’s hard to identify a lot of these people because they’ve taken multiple pies in the kisser.  However, that looks like Deuce on the floor still scrambling with Obama.  It’s not much of a fight because they are both covered in “Whipped Lighting” and it’s like a pig wrestling event at the State Fair.

Oprah and Rachel Maddow are on the floor in the corner and Oprah is shooting “Whipped Lightning” down the top of Rachel’s dress.  Both are laughing uproariously.

It’s good to see someone is having a good time.

The pies continue to fly but it seems to be settling down a little now.  Many people are just chugging the “Whipped Lighting” right out of the cans. 

Don’t say they haven’t been warned. 

Trish and Melody were having a knock down drag out a few minutes ago, now they are taking turns shooting “Whipped Lighting” into each other’s mouths.  They are laughing and seem to be having a good time.

I see Whit and some of his boys and Robert Gibbs and some of his have now got Deuce and Obama separated.  Both guys seem kinda tuckered and neither seems anxious to continue the fight.  Looks like Obama and his party have decided to leave.  Whit’s put out the Caution!  Wet Floors signs around the main floor and he and his guys are trying to help Obama and his party to navigate it without killing themselves.  WiO, Ash, Allen and some of the other guys are trying to help.

At the door, Obama turns, smiles, then frowns, then says “it was all..it was…it was all Bush’s fault.”  Robert Gibbs grabs the president’s arm and leads him out.  As he leaves you can see the flash of the paparazzis’ cameras.

It looks like a disaster in here but the only ones who are still throwing pies seem to be the girls with Gnossos.  Whit is moving over to put a stop to that and LT and Gag are trying to stop him.  However, it’s only a half-hearted attempt and it looks like things are pretty much over.

If anyone in the president’s party is still around please pass on our thanks to him for showing up.  We realize the EB isn’t The View but we are grateful he could stop in.

While we try to get the bar back in some kind of order and mop up the floor so that you can move around, let’s cut to a commercial.

( You Have Arrived at the Penultimate Section...
...Rufus that means we have one more to go)


  1. jeez Trish is missing her right foot but has torn off Melody's head.

    Never bet on the vegetarian in a all out brawl.

    The meat eaters always win.

  2. Hands down Toby Keith for sure.

  3. Did you catch this commercial?

    Seriously, Quirk, you put a lot of work into the Bosco's and I have thoroughly enjoyed every word.

    Thank You.

  4. It's been a hoot, Q.

    In case I'm out running around for the finale, let me say it, now, "Thanks a lot. It was a heck of a deal."

  5. I even learned what "penultimate" wuz. :)

  6. Rufus said:

    "Raise top rate to 39% - Approx increase in Revenues $500 Billion. Oops, we just overshot our mark by $100 Billion."

    Mr Static Analysis at work again.
    Brain function static except for 24-7 white noise.

    All systems normal.
    Fully functioning Socialist.

    JFK and Reagan Real World Experience not relevant.

  7. That AZ shooting makes me ill.
    Recently was thinking of all the negative fallout from the assasinations of the sixties.

  8. And, Congratulations to "The Blogger of the Year."

    We ain't much around here, but we got a "Man of Mystery," a blue-balled flyfisherman, a Bear Ropin' Authority, an effin' pineapple, doo-doo head, an expert commamatrix,

    the best astrologer/pageant promoter,

    and the pithiest lesbo in the intertubs-o-sphere.

    It ain't All bad. :)

  9. Thanks again, Q. It wuz a "toor de forse."

    Or sumpin like that.

    It was sure as hell fun to read.

    And, Thanks to you and Whit, also, Deuce. We appreciate it.

  10. Reagan? Wasn't he the one that left the huge deficit?

    I was thinking more along the lines of a guy that actually balanced the budget; You may have heard of him - the guy from Arkansas? They called him "Bubba?"

    Had a really butt-ugly wife?