“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.” - George W. Bush

All The Best


I want to thank everyone who participated in the Elephant Bar over the past twelve years. We had millions of visitors from all around the World and you were part of it. Over the past dozen years, two or three times a night, I would open my laptop and some of you were always there. I will miss that.

My plans are to continue my work with technology and architecture. You know my interests and thoughts.

At times, things would get a little rough in the EB. To those of you that I may have offended over the years, I apologize. From all of you, I learned and grew.

An elephant never forgets.
Be well.

Deuce, 21 June 2018

Saturday, January 08, 2011

Part 3 – 2010 Bosco Awards

"You can check in, but you can't check out, but then why would you want to?"

Part 3 – 2010 Bosco Awards

Well guys, as you know people take this blog pretty seriously.  Sometimes the debate gets a little heated.  Words are thrown about that probably shouldn’t be.  Sometimes there are even instances of profanity.  Because of the freewheeling open aspect of the bar these remarks are rarely censored. 

Therefore, we have taken on the responsibility of rewarding those who rise above the crass verbiage.  People who have the ability to rise above the vulgarity and express their disagreements in acceptable language.

This year, there are duel recipients of the Boscos for the Best Put-Down Without Resorting to Profanity Ex-f’n award.  It goes to Rufus and Doug for the following posts:


rufus said...

f'n doo-doo head

Mon Apr 05, 02:32:00 PM EDT


Doug said...

f'n running dog socialist!

Way to go guys.  Thanks for adding a little class to the old EB.

Why don’t you come up and get your awards? 

Whoops.  It looks like Rufus is momentarily passed out.   And as I’m looking at Doug he’s still talking to Danica and doesn’t seem to realize he has won this prestigious award.

We’ll have to get the guys their awards later.

I notice rat just slipped something green back into his sack.  We’ll be keeping an eye on him tonight.

Especially after this

desert rat said...

You got stuff?

Want to share?

Mon May 24, 11:09:00 PM EDT

On with the ceremony, and surprisingly, Rufus and Doug also share the Bosco Retrograde Award for the following subsequent posts:

rufus said...

Fuck Luke. Fuck Seven Sins, and Fuck Seven Devils. Fuck Childrens Fairy Tales, and those that would use them to get My Kids Killed.

Those Afghanis don't give a good goddamned what we do. They are Not our Friends, and they are NOT our Enemies. They are poor people that mostly never get more than 7 miles from their village.

Why in the Fuck should we want to kill children in Kandahar? Why in the Fuck are we guarding poppy farms? Why in the Fuck do we let the Elitist Cocksuckers do this to us?

Oh yeah, I forgot; They read us a "Bible Verse."


Sun Jul 18, 08:12:00 AM EDT

And Doug said

Doug said...


Fri Jan 22, 02:05:00 PM EST

Running out of the money but in a close third in the balloting was Sam for this contribution.

sam said...


Thu Nov 04, 11:41:00 PM EDT

Commendable guys.  I guess.

Waiter, could you take these awards and get them over to the guys?  Thanks.

Now in rapid order we wish to announce the following awards:

The Bosco for Best Contribution to the English Language Award goes to Trish for the phrase “Masturbatory Malice”.

trish said...

Which do you think is more effective, (bleep), in the art of persuasion? Unctuous condescension, sneering contempt, or savage abruptness? (We'll leave out masturbatory malice because it's not really an approach per se, is it? Rather a form of self-amusement, as (bleep) will attest.)

I'm conducting a survey.

Tue Apr 20, 07:16:00 PM EDT

The award recognizes not only the implied meaning of the idiom but also the coining of a new word, “masturbatory”. 

Good work Trish.

(Note: Some at the EB have objected to this award on the basis that masturbatory is a derivation of the Latin word masturbe which actually finds its provenance in the ancient Hebrew word jerkmeoff,.  Research has failed to prove this etymology and the award will stand.)

The next Bosco is for The Eternal Question Award. This year’s winner is Whit for this brilliant contribution:

whit said...

Tue Jul 27, 08:59:00 PM EDT

All right Whit. Yea, show him the love folks.

Good job Whit.

The next award is The Most Insightful Observation Award. This year’s winner is Melody for this most insightful observation:

MeLoDy said...

Universal truth #3

"There is great need for sarcasm font."

Thu Jun 03, 12:04:00 PM EDT

All right Melody! We need to give you an extra three stars for that one Mel.


Hey, I was kidding before, but now lay off those Bugles!

Crazy chick.

(But what a body eh guys. Woof!).

Let’s give her a hand.

Speaking of insight.  I am proud to award a new Bosco this year for a category called the Mensa award.

As you know many people consider the regulars at the EB to be nothing more than an oddball collection of mercs, marauders, ex-service hard cases, men of mystery (well at least one), chicks, and demimondes.  We get no respect.  Well we have welcomed a new member to our little congregation who has changed all that.

This summer we welcomed The Cleaning Lady to our little group.  She is being awarded the Bosco for this erudite post.

The Cleaning Lady said...
From the Baja Arizona link above:

“It is the job of government to manage the flow of money.”

The above statement is one formulation of Lester Thurow's Third Way theme postulating a more aggressive role for government in free market capitalism.

The article continues:

We have done a really poor job of managing the flow of money in our country. It concentrated into Wall Street schemes. It flowed overseas. It went everywhere expect in creating employment here in America.

It seems to me that (real) enforcement - as opposed to the cozy incestuous relationship that currently exists between the doers and the regulators - would do a lot to 'manage the flow of money.'

Actually it isn’t the “government” that is the source of the misdirected money flow…it is the special interests who manipulate the government for their private gain without any regard for the broader societal benefits.

This is where the Third Way thinking goes off the rails - every time, I might add, that Third Ways are proposed. This is the essence of an emerging theory going under the label of Creative Capitalism (google Bill Gates).

'Broader societal benefits' as a corporate objective. Doesn't much matter whether or not it works - or makes sense. The Third Way is coming.

The author goes on to suggest vision statements and win-win agendas to define 'social agendas' that escape the death trap of socialist labeling.

I agree with his concluding statements:

Republicans don’t have a positive agenda here.

But neither do the Democrats.

I would add neither does the Tea Party movement - without an intellectual foundation to give defined substance to the rebellion, it will remain nothing but a knee-jerk reaction to status quo policies.

Wed Sep 08, 09:14:00 PM EDT

As whit correctly states,

whit said...

"Nice observations, Cleaning Lady. We haven't had enough thoughtful discourse in the bar, lately."

Re: Third way. The country is sharply divided and high-powered emotions swing the pendulum widely.

Sat Sep 04, 05:00:00 PM EDT


Good job Cleaning Lady.  Thanks for raising the level of discourse here at the EB.  Have to admit it’s way above my head, but I doubt them jerks from Pajamas Media, Ballon Juice and The Belmont Club will be coming around here soon casting aspersions with you on our team.

(By the way, the runner up for the Mensa award was Doug for this
*     BloggerDoug said...
*         Fuck


*      Sun Sep 19, 04:22:00 PM EDT

A very thoughtful post Doug.

Well, unfortunately, I have to announce that we will not be awarding the Too Lazy to Link Award this year. As you know, the award was initially meant to recognize Trish’s lack of contribution in the link area; however, this year there were just too many nominees with basically the same qualifications.

I should also mention that this year’s Best Urban Fly Fisherman award will also not be awarded.

We can, however, show you some of the posts that would not have been considered even if we had awarded that Bosco.

From Rufus,

rufus said...

"The only reason Clan Rufii uses bait is dynamite is too expensive."

Sun Aug 01, 04:24:00 PM EDT

From linearthinker,

linearthinker said...

"Why I bait fish."

From the link:

Ok this post is for all the hippie fly fishers out there that are to stoned to realize what a real women is. Everyone knows that real women fish bait!!

...and a bit farther down, below the eye candy...

"Truckee River Outfitters closing its doors...since most people in Truckee use bait there is no need for a fly fishing shop...When your entire customer base consists of stoned hippies how do you expect to have competent fisherman to buy anything?"

Sun Aug 01, 03:59:00 PM EDT

linearthinker said...

Yes, Quirk. For the riffraff who need some assistance:

...scrolling down at the same link:

Sun Aug 01, 04:10:00 PM EDT

Good posts guys.

Moving on, this year’s Uh Huh. Right award again goes to Rufus for this gem:

rufus said...

"I shudder to do this, but I'm going to venture another opinion."

“Shudder to do this?”

Uh huh.  Right.

Good job Ruf.

You had us going there for a minute with that one.

This year’s So’s Your Mother Award goes to rat for:

desert rat said...

"I have friends who have roped bears, from horse back, in the Tonto Basin.

Bring 'em on…"

Wed Apr 07, 02:45:00 PM EDT

Impressive and scary at the same time.  Thank you rat.

The You Guys Give Me A Headache Award goes to Whit for:

whit said...

"Obstreperous truculence at the EB: that is the new normal."

Tue Apr 06, 05:35:00 PM EDT

Another great effort Whit.  Thanks.

The Fill In The Gaps When The Conversation Drags Award also goes to Whit.  The following posts are just a brief sample:

whit said...

"I just watched a blue jay dine on wasps, eat their larvae and pick apart the nest."

Sun Jul 04, 10:56:00 AM EDT


whit said...

"Nothing like waking up on a Sunday morning to find egg all over the front door."

Sun Jul 04, 08:34:00 AM EDT

May we have many more years filled with these treasures.  Thanks Whit..

The Bosco for the You Dog, What Were You Thinking award goes to that bon vivant and salty dog, Gnossos.

gnossos said...

"Talk of teleprompters reminds me of the France24 newsreaders.

Always young and female. More often than not blond.

Immaculately coiffed and clothed.

They're placed behind a podium in a modernist studio setting.

I found myself mesmerized by the convolutions of their seductively full (bruised?) lips as they mouthed those lascivious French syllables...

So much so that maybe a week went by before I noticed that that "modernist" studio design, with mirrors everywhere, had an unexpected benefit.

The mirrors were placed, and sometimes the camera angle switched, to give viewers a profile look at those leggy beauties.

And those high tight haunches clenching and unclenching as they restlessly shifted from one high heel shod foot to the other high heel shod foot...

Sulkily evidencing impatience (in my viewing mind) with the mundanity of this scripted nonsense. Anxious to be freed from the studio. And to live...

(I am an old man...)"

Sat Nov 06, 07:31:00 PM EDT

Gnossos, you dog.  What were you thinking?

The Bosco for the When the Worm Turns Award goes to that sophisticated Cleaning Lady for this gem.

The Cleaning Lady said...


Wed Oct 20, 04:03:00 PM EDT

          Good work Cleaning Lady.

And for another EB beauty, the Bosco for the Slip Sliding Away award goes to our own Ms. Stella B. Starlight for this one.

Stella B. Starlight said...

"Today, Barack Obama slipped into something more comfortable, Afghanistan, instead of Michelle."

Let’s give her a hand folks.  We don’t see her in the bar nearly enough.

We thought it was important to recognize the singular contribution of many of posters as they offered up “Great Thoughts” over the past year.  So we have established a special awards category called the TAO Award.

This year’s TOA Awards

The “Tao of Doug” award goes to …well…to Doug for:

Doug said...

"You guys disgust me:

The way forward is obvious -

Sandmonkeys in Space,
Followed by Towellheads on Mars."

Tue Jul 06, 07:47:00 AM EDT

Keep em coming Doug.

The “Tao of Trish” award goes to Trish for:

trish said...

"Still wandering, aimlessly, around, sniveling, and snuffling, I see."

"Someone needs a comma intervention."

Mon Jul 05, 04:14:00 PM EDT

Special thanks to the comma lady. 

Give her a hand.

The Toa of LT award goes to LT for,

linearthinker said...

Narcissism, alcohol, and presumably a missed dosage of lithium.

There's a volatile combination.

Sat Jul 31, 08:22:00 PM EDT

Good job.  Another poster we don’t see around the old bar enough.

The Tao of Selah award goes to Selah for,

Teresita said...

"I Refudiate Barack Obama's contention that there are 57 States."

Sun Jul 25, 06:23:00 PM EDT

The Tao for …  Whoa, wait a minute.

Sorry folks.  We are going to have to break off the Tao Awards at this point.  It appears they are losing control over in the V.I.P. section.  Oprah Winfrey looks drunk as a skunk and is sitting on the President’s lap.  Obama has one hand holding a Heineken and the other on Oprah’s ass.  He’s smiling like crazy and occasionally giggling.  Security is also stepping in to break up what could turn into a fight between Pee Wee Herman and Lebron James.  Pee Wee looks really ticked and is motioning for Lebron to bring it on.

Tareq Salali is watching the exchange and doesn’t seem to notice that Robert Gibbs is hitting on his wife. 

Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney have an a capella version of Ebony and Ivory going but it looks like they are motioning for rat to come join them with his trumpet.

It may take a while to restore orders folk, so why don’t we cut to our third nominated song for EB Song of the Year and then cut directly to commercial.

This year’s third nominated song is
Hotel California by the Eagles.

Those boys can crank it out.

Back in a moment.


(We are not done with you yet. More to come.)


  1. Now for a whopping 1.99 you can have your own sarcmark

    No more misconstrued words.

    “Sarcasm” comes from the Latin sarcasmos, which means “to tear flesh.” How bad-ass is that?

  2. The Cleaning Lady should be awarded something for this beauty - Art Bell knows.

    Said in all serious too - what category would that come under?

    Deerving of something Quirk.

    Best Hallucinatory Faith, or something.

  3. I want one of those but your link goes to requested page was not found.

  4. .

    At this point, it seems appropriate to thank Deuce and Whit for their major contributions to this effort. First, for allowing the space and second for the production support.

    Deuce artwork enhances any effort and the guys' editing helped a lot. And I suspect it took a lot of work on Whit's part to translate what I gave him to the little screen.

    Based on my recent experience with Google, I expect I would have been blocked out long before I got it posted on my own.

    Thanks a lot guys.


  5. Well Quirk, you sliver tounged rascal, you must come up and see me sometime.

  6. .

    ...Art Bell...Deerving of something Quirk.

    Best Hallucinatory Faith, or something.

    Can't really comment. (They told me not to.)


  7. While the editors deserve a big round of applause for their hard work not only for the bosco awards but for every piece of work that gets posted. It's not easy running a blog especially with the "nitwits" that hang around here. Sometimes when I read a thread it reminds me of the island of misfit toys. Broken, with no place to go.

    But you're being modest and I hope that everyone appreciates the long hours and hard work that you must have put into this piece.

    I sure do.

    You definitely need to give a little pat on your back and say, "A job well done."

  8. "This is where the Third Way thinking goes off the rails..."

    Well, goddamn, Quirk. And God bless you.

    Haven't managed to figure that one out.

  9. .

    Just kidding about the Cleaning Lady.

    Being a born sceptic I don't really believe any of that stuff. I accept the argument that there is a rational explanation for all of it.

    That being said, my wife who watches all of those UFO programs (numerous times), made a point a few days ago. It had to do with some new photos (actually old photos that had just recently been released).

    The point she was making is that photos, tapes, videos that have been around for decades are just gradually being released over time. She postulates that the government may be doing this just to gradually prepare us for 'the big news'.

    I am an agnostic on many subjects. Years ago I might have ridiculed the UFOlogists. Today I say let them think what they want. It does no one any harm and who the hell knows someday they may be proved right.


  10. Well Quirk, you sliver tounged rascal, you must come up and see me sometime.

    That sounds like you are making me an offer 'that can't be refused' Mae...er...I mean S.


  11. Hangs head.

    Has no idea.

    "You don't how much you know."




  13. Except I don't think you're cheering.

  14. Yes, I am. For Quirk.

  15. For Quirk's Bosco efforts, not his UFO commentary.

  16. BTW - What the heck is a Bosco?

  17. "Yes, I am. For Quirk."

    Do realize he's a dick?

  18. It has come to Management's attention that Souls-R-Us has acted in bad faith and has failed to abide by our Contract that Souls-R-Us develop a unique award and awards program for the Elephant Bar.

    It appears that Mr. Quirk, aka the Quirkster, aka "D.J. Hustle" has provided "leftover" awards trophies from a previous Souls-R-Us endeavor for "The Bosco" lounge located in Ferndale, (Detroit)Michigan.

    Accordingly we have withheld payment for Mr.Quirk's services until the matter can be resolved either through our attorneys or in the courts.

  19. So, yes. I realize that he is indeed, a dick.

  20. .

    Bosco is an amalgem consisting of various images rolling around in the old Quirkster's head.

    One, from my youth, some damn good stuff

    Bosco Chocalate Syrup. Yum

    Two, some stories I've come across

    Bosco, The 'Earth Kings' Pet Bear


    Bosco, From an British Childrens Program. Reminds me of one of the Muses

    Third, from rat's bear-roping adventures.

    My vision of the Bosco Award,


    Translated into a 10" tall fool's gold clad statuette.


    The Bosco


  21. The point she was making is that photos, tapes, videos that have been around for decades are just gradually being released over time. She postulates that the government may be doing this just to gradually prepare us for 'the big news'.

    An old old speculation, Quirk, backed by Art Bell his very self. There's a word for it that I can't think of - breakout or something - Stella might know.

    ah -

    Disclosure - that's the word. There have been disclosure conferences back in D.C. askking the government to 'come clean, finally'.

    Life is strange - it is possible -barely.

    Only women are stranger.

  22. Look.

    Well, yes.

    You couldn't have picked a sorrier ass.

  23. And I admit you are doing a great job, Quirk.

  24. Accordingly we have withheld payment for Mr.Quirk's services until the matter can be resolved either through our attorneys or in the courts.

    Just put a hit out on the son bitch.

  25. I just noticed something about the EB.

    All the neat, intelligent things are said by the ladies, and Doug, and me, we just sit around saying "Fuck."

  26. Did he screw you over, too, Trish?

  27. .

    Accordingly we have withheld payment for Mr.Quirk's services until the matter can be resolved either through our attorneys or in the courts.

    My lawyers will be talking to your lawyers. In the meantime, we will seek an injunction to shut down this dive.

    Souls-R-Us Management were correct in their assessment, you are one tin horn prick.

    Word to the wise.

    If you ever have to visit the Detroit area, don't. It might prove unhealthy as we own this berg.

    Just saying.


  28. Oh that's classy, D.J. Hustle and his posse. They run Deeetroit.

  29. Disclosure Project

    I don't believe for a moment though that Art Bell saw a huge triangular craft float over his home in Pahrump, 'so low I could almost have jumped up and touched it', cause nobody else seemed to have seen it.

    On that 'f' thread Rufus, nobody came close to Sam.

    Work, the curse of the drinking, and blogging, class, calls.....

  30. I volunteer to do the job on him, Whit.

    Easy take down.

  31. No, bob, we can't resort to frontier or Deetroit justice here. We'll have to do it through the courts unless that grifter makes good.

  32. Well alright then, I offer the services of my lady lawyer Sarah Palin with a law degree. She'll nail him, legal like.

    gotta run

    (I knew he was going to screw you over)

  33. .

    Oh that's classy, D.J. Hustle and his posse. They run Deeetroit.

    The "Purple Gang" never really disappeared. It is now being run by a sophisticated management team.

    We own the 'coney' concession in Detroit. You want a dog, you see us.

    American Coney Island and Lafayette Coney competitors? Not likely. We get points off the top on every coney, bowl of chili, and order of fries.

    And that's just the beginning. We dip our beak in everything, Machinaw Island Fudge, Travis City Cherry Pies, most of the curling clubs in the area, the Detroit Zoo, you name it, we run it.


  34. But first this, as the wife isn't ready to go yet -

    Huckleberry Finn: The problem of that word

    To delete the word “nigger” from its 200-plus appearances in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain, and replace it with “slave,” is to evade the problem of education. It is to falsify a world as a precondition for teaching about it.

    An Alabama-based publisher, NewSouth Books, is publishing the softer new edition next month because, it says, teachers have found the language in the original hurtful and injurious. It’s a fair point. It’s worth putting oneself in the shoes of black students who may be in the classroom minority. Toni Morrison, a Nobel Laureate for Literature, said she felt “muffled rage” when she read it in her youth. Others say they’ve felt conspicuous and ashamed in the classroom.

    But that is why Huck Finn presents not merely a challenge but a marvellous opportunity. Everything about today’s world tells the children that books and “literature” (a word that most adults roll their eyes at) are of marginal relevance to them and everyone else. Entertainment? They can watch movies on their telephones. Understanding of themselves and their world? They have Facebook and Google for that. And suddenly, here is a book almost too hot to touch. This is a book with real power.

    The problem of education is to teach impressionable and sensitive young people about a sometimes harsh world. The world as it is, in other words. And very much the world of Huck Finn.

    That world is rendered in Huck’s vernacular that has preserved, for all times, the inner truth of the antebellum South. “Nigger,” used so frequently, reveals a reflexive, unthinking degradation of black people. In counterpoint is Huck’s own slow-emerging recognition that Jim is a human being worthy of respect. Huck is a creature of his time and place. His transformation is the subversive moral core of the book. If he spoke like a civil-rights activist, the essence would be lost.

    Words wound, words enlighten. Satire often features a kind of bravura cruelty. It doesn’t flinch from exposing how stupid and horrible people can be. (People are exceptionally stupid and horrible in Huck Finn.) Readers do flinch; and so they should, if the satire is sharp enough.

    Huck Finn is just that sharp, and touches on the sorest spot in United States life: race. “It is a book that puts on the table the very questions the culture so often tries to bury, a book that opens out into the complex history that shaped it,” an English professor in Texas wrote. Are high school teachers up to the challenge? If not, it makes more sense to strengthen them than to weaken the book.

    To tame Huck Finn, to soften its voice, does no favours to young people.

    You don't run anything in Deetroit but a laundromat Quirk.

  35. Wife is slow this morning -

    All you run in Deetroit is a laundromat, Quirk. And you've fixed the dryer timers so as to cheat the customers.

  36. I've seen every criminal minds, NCIS, CIS, and Law and Order. I can make death look like an accident.

    Just sayin'

  37. Good girl. I like that.

    He just fell off the balcony is an old standby.

    Speaking of criminals, we are signing on a felon today at an apartment. He was very up front about it, always got turned down on those that take applications. He seems such a nice young man. With a little boy.
    Drug charge, he says. Turned his life aroung. Going to the U of I.

    That writing on my forehead?

    It says

    S U C K E R

  38. Christ.

    And here I am, all out of Stoli's.

    "You don't know how much you know."

  39. "Life is strange."

    Oh, hey, bob.

    If someone had informed me earlier how strange it is, I'd have...

    Well I actually don't know what I would've.