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Thursday, January 06, 2011

Part 1 -- 2010 Bosco Awards

WELCOME to the 2010 1st Annual Bosco Awards

Hello folks. This is the old Quirkster coming to you from the red carpet outside of the beautiful, newly renovated Elephant Bar located in downtown 2164th.blogspot.com.

We are here tonight for the 1st Annual Bosco Awards celebrating the best of the best among the posts at the EB for 2010. The program is scheduled to start about 7:00 pm; however, we thought we’d come out front a little early to give you a picture of some of the color and excitement surrounding this historical event.

We have passed the winter solstice, it’s the New Year, and good times lie ahead. It’s a clear night and you can see the moon over the grassy knoll the other side of the parking lot. The parking lot itself is jammed with RV’s and pickup trucks and the tailgate parties have been going on since early this morning. There is the smell ribs and brisket in the air. The brewskis have been flowing and the anticipation is building to a fever pitch.

Crowds are about five or six deep on both sides of the red carpet that leads from the parking lot to the bar. The sound of the vuvuvelas is deafening and makes it a little difficult for me to speak but I will try to talk over them. On that subject, I have been asked by
Souls-R-Us management to state publically that we are not responsible for supplying the vuvuvelas tonight and take no responsibility for the annoying sounds being produced by the crowd.

I am not at liberty to state who has the concession for the vuvuvelas, but on the subject of Souls-R-Us I can state that they have won the production rights for this year’s awards ceremony. I’m sure you are all aware of the rumors and scuttlebutt that are flying around right now regarding the awards program. There is a lot of money and a lot of politics involved.
Souls-R-Us has the production rights for the ceremony for one year only. The rights for next year’s ceremony (if there is one) are currently in negotiation and the bargaining has become quite bitter. Souls-R-Us management has gone on record publically stating that “Whit is a tin horn prick and that his threats of cancelling next year’s program are merely bargaining tactics”.  The EB management has issued a scathing rebuttal to Souls-R-Us stating that “He is not.”

EB Management further states with the amount of money involved it only makes sense to look at alternatives. They state they are alternately looking at running a 14 day festival featuring nightly episodes of a new docudrama produced by the team of rat and WiO that gives a dramatized history of major events that have occurred over the past 3000 years in the Levant.  The name of the series hasn’t been finalized yet although two working titles have been discussed.  One is
The History of Israel and the other is The History of Palestine.  There are also rumors of some dissension among the production team for that event.  Souls-R-Us Management indicates that it’s all a ruse.  They say the docudrama will never get off the ground, at least not in time to replace next year’s ceremony. They also indicate they are aware that the EB has also entered discussion with the company that has the syndication rights for the Friends TV show and that the EB may just start showing reruns of that show on big screen TV.

It is all becoming very public, very political, and very ugly; and in no way reflects well on any of the parties involved.

But enough politics.

All that has nothing to do with tonight’s gala events.

Let’s get starte…..whoa…Geez!!!... 

Look I’m sorry folks.  It scared the shit out…  I mean…  What happened was…  Well as I mentioned before, the boys in the parking lot have been drinking since early this morning and some of them just aren’t thinking too clearly.  A lot of them planned on having deep-fried turkey as part of the tailgating.  About noon today, one of the guys dropped a half frozen turkey into the boiling oil of the deep fryer and the whole damn thing exploded.

Deafening boom. 

Shot the turkey about forty feet into the air.  What a dumb shit.

Anyway, a little later the same thing happened again.  Now, this is the third time.  The crowd is so fucked up out there I think they are actually doing it on purpose now.  The noise scares the shit out of you, but I do have to admit it’s pretty spectacular when they launch.  And each time it happens now there is a lot of cheering from the crowd.

Well back to the pre-show.

I’m about half way down the red carpet and as I look towards the EB it is a beautiful site.  The front façade of the bar is decorated with a mural of two magnificent elephants in the midst of a tremendous battle, their tusks flashing.  The mural was painted by famous UK naturalist artist Anthony Gibbs from an original Photoshopped print produced by the EB management.

Truly magnificent.

Another piece of interesting trivia for you.  The new façade has only been up a couple of months  now but some miscreant has already defaced it with graffiti albeit so small that it usually goes unnoticed.  However, if you look at the lower right hand corner of the mural you will notice that someone has painted in the picture of a rat rampant waving his tiny rat paws as if challenging the pendulous pachyderms in the picture. 

Really kind of cute.  But still there is absolutely no justification for defacing a magnificent piece of art in this manner!! 

But still, kind of cute.

Now, as we pan to the right, you will see Whit posted by the velvet ropes leading to the entrance of the bar.  He looks pretty dapper in his tux and red cummerbund.  I am going to try to move down and get a word with him if I can.

“Hey Whit, how’s it going?  Can you tell us anything about how negotiations are going for next year’s show?  What?”

“I said, buzz off, I’m trying to do some business here.”

“Okay.  Okay.  Just trying to do my job.”

All right then, moving right along.  I see that security is manning the full-scan x-ray machines that were installed a couple of days ago.  Souls-R-Us arranged for additional security through our affiliation with Two Men And A Truck and some firemen we knew that had tonight off.  Also there were a few WWE wrestlers that stopped into the EB for a drink a few days ago and never left.  They said they were in the mood to “crack some heads” so we hired them too.

On my way out here tonight I talked to a couple of the security guys to see how things were going.  They were a little concerned with the size of the crowd and the fact that everyone was pushing and shoving trying to have their x-rays taken.  The x-rays are being fed to one of the big screen TVs inside the EB.  The faces are of course pixilated to protect identities.

The guard I talked to indicated that all the people were in his words “thoroughly wasted” and were saying that the x-ray machines were more fun than mooning the copier at the office Christmas party and handing out the pictures to everyone.  [Memo to self on possible commercial opportunity.  Heh.  Heh. :)]

The guard also mentioned that a lot of the ladies seem to be shoving things down their panties and bras so that they would qualify for the secondary frisking being conducted inside the bar.  By the way, Sam won the lottery held earlier today to determine who gets to conduct the secondary enhanced pat downs.

Oh boy.  What now?

We seem to have another disturbance.   There appear to be two yahoos with bull horns in the back of a Toyota pickup parked on the grassy knoll.  Looks like Whit has dispatched a couple of the security guards to drag them down off there.

Yea, and as they get closer I can see its LT and Gag Reflex.  They look to be drunk as skunks and LT is still wearing his lineman’s helmet.  Gag has on his Cabela’s cap in camo and a t-shirt with a heat-stamped sign showing duct tape holding up a sign that reads “Real Men Use Duct Tape”.

I should mention at this point that Souls-R-Us is doing a big business in our T-Shirt Outlet/Tattoo Parlor.  Our tent is at the entrance to the parking lot right across from the Marine Recruiting Center Tent and next to the Allstate Insurance Tent.

Well here comes LT and Gag now.

“Hey, LT how’s it going?”

“Fuck you Quirk.”

“Hey, Gag.  Gag Reflex.  I’d like to…”

“Go piss up a rope, you little prick.”

Boy, those two are always joking around.  But you gotta love em.

Jokesters. Yeah.

“Hey, Whit, make sure those two shits check their guns inside.  The bull horns too.”

Speaking of the newly decorated EB, I have already mentioned some of the decorations, the mural and all.  The balance of the bar design was created by famed Chinese designer Fang Shway.  It should be noted, however, Deuce and Whit insisted that certain traditional touches that really define the EB remain.  For instance, anyone familiar with the old EB will recognize the sign over the front door.  "Lasciate ogni speranza, voi ch'entrate." ("All hope abandon, ye who enter in.") 

The sign is the original but we refurbished an electric Christmas stencil light so that now the sign appears to be engulfed in a slowly moving green mist. Quite an eerie effect.  (H/T to Cleaning Lady for coming up with the stencil lamp.)

Well it’s getting close to the start of the program, and the V.I.P.’s and regulars should start arriving soon.  This is what the crowd has been waiting for.  I should mention that the crowd seems to be divided in their loyalties.  The various sections seem to be divided by faction.   For instance, I am in a section surrounded by people in red sweatshirts that read “SHE Who Must Be OBEYED”.  

They seem to be big fans of Trish. 

Directly across the way there is a crowd of people wearing yarmulkes and sweatshirts that read “ADAM  The Man.  The Myth.  The Legend.”  who seem to be fans of Allen.  Opposite them on this side of the red carpet is another group again wearing yarmulkes.  Can’t see their shirts but they occasionally break into cheers of “Wio” “WiO”  “WiO”.  Every so often someone in that group shouts “Nuke the Rock.”

With other groups it’s a little harder to determine where their loyalties lie.  For instance, one group is waving banners that say “Embrace Your Irrelevance”.  Another group has sweatshirts that read “Big Bad FRANK”.  Still another group is wearing Viking helmets with horns on the sides.  It’s difficult to tell if they are rooting for one of the regulars or are a group of Minnesota Vikings fans who just stopped in for a beer.

I would provide more color but the crowd has spontaneously started doing the wave and it is hard to get more detail.  Besides it appears the first of the regulars have started to arrive.

Yes, here comes Trish.
She’s looking marvelous in an airy, light pistachio green knee-length gown by Monique Lhuillier.  The gown itself is cut low in the front and ‘very-low’ in the back revealing a tramp stamp that says “Support Our Troops”.   (Impossible to tell if it’s permanent or a henna peel-off.  We sell both types at the “Souls-R-Us T-Shirt/Tattoo Parlor tent).

As she makes her way down the red carpet in killer black patent and fabric, pointy-toed heels by Christian Louboutin, the crowd breaks into spontaneous cries of “Trish.”  “Trish.”  “Trish.”

Next, a murmur goes through the crowd as Melody starts down the red carpet.
Mel is dressed in an orange wooly jumper that hides her mysterious tats (yes I said tats, as in tattoos, you perverts). She is also wearing black knee high stiletto boots, of course, with a Packham’s clutch. 

The crowd begins a rhythmic “MLD”  “MLD”  “MLD” as she passes.

Since she is on this side of the carpet I’ll try to catch her attention.

“Mel.  Mel.  Can I have a word with you?”

“How do you mean that?”

“I just…”

“You people think I am just a flighty bumble-head.  I have views on all these subjects but if I choose not to express them that’s my business.”

“But I just want to ask…”

“I’m staying.  I’m not letting you guys determine where and when I can stop by for a drink, post a few songs, be happy.  Fuck you and your issues.”

“But I…”

“Peace out.”

“Thanks Mel.”

OK.  Well, it looks like the third muse has just arrived.  Here comes Selah (T, Lilith, Teresita, et al).
Selah is dressed in a daring black and blue Marchesa mini paired with a crazy kool and I must say awesomely bold pair of canary yellow heels.  Dynamite!  She has no clutch but she is sporting a tat on her right arm which pictures Gothic lettering in Spanish.  It appears to read, “Don’t Tread on Me, Hombre.”  However, my Spanish is a little weak and it could just say “F.U.C.K. D.A.D.T.”

At any rate, she is getting the usual applause from crowd; although it is a little more confusing since there does not appear to be any consensus as to which persona is appreciated more.  Cheers of “Selah”, “T”, “American Woman”, “Isis?”, “Teresita”, "Lilith"and numerous others are combined in a general babble and cacophony.

Now as Selah makes her way towards the x-rays, I see the VIPS are arriving.
Five huge VH-3D Sea King helicopters from the HMX-1 “Nighthawks” Squadron are now circling the parking lot area in a random pattern.  A muffled “ooooowww” goes up from the crowd. 

Now one of the helicopters breaks out from the pattern and heads for the EB’s heli-pad.  That’s right folks, we can tell you now.  Our surprise guest for tonight’s award ceremony is the The President of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama.  Now you can see the reason for the secrecy and for and the scheduling delays in setting up our program.

Marine One has now landed and we are waiting for the President to exit the copter.  The escort helicopters that acted as decoys are still circling the parking lot.  And now in the background it appears a giant C-130 Hercules transport is coming in for a landing on the interstate the other side of the parking lot.

Ooh Baby, this is starting to get exciting.

Oh damn!  What now?

Shit!  Sorry.  It looks like one of those yahoos in the parking lot just shot off another turkey.  It seems to have taken out one of the escort copters.  The pilot of the damaged copter is bringing it in with a controlled pinwheeling maneuver.

He now has it on the ground and it appears there was little additional damage to the coptor.  Hopefully, there was no one injured.  Great job by the pilot.

The other escort coptors have now landed and Rangers in full riot gear are pouring out.  Heads are being cracked.  After initially falling back the crowd has regrouped.  The Rangers are now being pelted by snow balls and various types of BarBQue foodstuffs. 

It’s starting to get ugly. 
Whit has jumped into action and is now running up the red carpet followed by a phalanx of security guards.  They are rushing into the melee in the parking lot and starting to pass out Jello Shots.  Ineffective at first, the move seems to be slowly bringing the tumult under control.  Good work Whit, and good thinking too.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have been instructed to make the following announcement.

Shooting objects at federal aircraft is strictly prohibited and will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.  In addition, there is a possibility that you will be banned from future EB events.

I have also been asked to make this additional announcement.

You will note that there are no Secret Service men here with the President tonight.   We have been informed that Mrs. Obama and her daughters are on their monthly ‘girls night out’.  It’s my understanding she is currently visiting Cairo with a party that includes Philipe Sarcozy, Naomi Cambell, Madonna, Brittany Spears, selected members of the Rockettes, the entire secret service, staff, a few friends and family, and Brad Pitt.  The size of the contingency/coterie taking both Air Force One, Air Force Two, and two  C30s to transport them.

After leaving Egypt, the First Lady will travel to India to visit the Taj Mahal, and then to Shanghai for a view of the World Expo.  Of course, this is also a “mix business with pleasure” trip.  She will be having lunch with Liu Xia wife of dissident Nobel Prize Winner Liu Xiaobo and they will discuss the plight of fat kids.  In India, she will have latte with some women’s groups and will deliver a 10 minute speech on the growing chasm between the haves and have-nots of the world.  In Shanghai, while there are no official meetings, the Bund will be cordoned off while Michelle and her party bar-b-que along the Huangpu.  She is expected to wave to certain portions of the crowd.

Good stuff.

Now, with no Secret Service available, Souls-R-Us has been asked to provide security for the President.  We have arranged to have members of the Barbarians Motorcycle Gang provide that security.  The gang members are now exiting the C130 and are presenting a formidable and intimidating front as they cross the parking lot.  And it also looks like the President is also now exiting Marine One.

Yes, the President is smiling and waving as he exits.  He is followed by an entourage that includes Oprah Winfrey, Pee Wee Herman, Robert Gibbs, Pete Rouse, Stevie Wonder, Paul McCartney, Lebron James and various functionaries. 

Other VIP’s including Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi flew in with the Barbarians on the C130.  As a matter of fact I think I see them being escorted to the red carpet now on the back of a couple of the Barbarian’s ‘hogs’.

As Obama makes his way up the red carpet he is greeted by occasional burst of applause, a nice gesture from this predominantly conservative crowd.  Factors in the president’s positive reception may be the fact that the crowd is literally wasted and there are signs provided by Souls-R-Us Marketing that are occasionally raised to the crowd that state “APPLAUD and Get a Free Beer”.

The Obama entourage has now reached the x-ray machines but the line is still backed-up.  There is kind of a ruckus as Robert Gibbs tries to arrange for Obama to take cuts.  Some huge guy with “Frank” printed on his sweatshirt seems especially pissed off.  Whit is trying to arrange for Obama to bypass the x-ray screening and enter through the side door.  However, Oprah is demanding to be x-ray’d.
Well, this could take awhile and it’s almost time for the award show to start so I am going to have to make my way inside.

Whew, that was tough.  

Sam must be surrounded by thirty chicks waiting for the secondary pat-down.  Also, for anyone attending the ceremony, be careful not to trip over that pile of weapons as you enter the front door.

Well Deuce has really done a great job renovating the old EB.  It looks great.  The long-bar stretches along the entire south side of the building.  Whit and Deuce have arranged for it to be manned, if that’s the appropriate term, by some of the EB’s favorite celebrity barkeeps.

And for the sports fans here tonight

And especially for Rufus

Drink up folks.

Turning towards the north side of the bar we see the Band/VIP area behind the chicken wire.  On the south side of the bar is a large board where memorials to past bar members are posted.
I’m now moving towards the east side of the bar where a stage for tonight’s ceremony has been set up.  You’ll notice there is a stool set up in the northeast corner with a dunce cap sitting on it.  The stool is a new ad at the EB and is reserved for the person who posts the “Worst Post of the Week”.

Anyway, as I look out across the bar, I see we’ve got a pretty full house.  Many of the people here tonight are sporting Looters  T-Shirts.  Sporty T’s in red, orange , and black colors, with a pirate’s image heat stamped under the message



My Job Is Done Here  

A few others are wearing Producers T’s in blue and white with lettering that state Producers Rock.   Both T’s can be purchased at the bar if you are interested.  They are down by the white T’s used for the wet-T-shirt contests.

It appears most of the regulars are in their seats now.  Rufus is at a table with rat.  He’s wearing a John Deere cap and his Looters T.  He seems to be enjoying himself drinking from what appears to be a peanut butter jar with some clear liquid in it.  Rat is wearing his iconic Pancho Villa hat and appears to be sipping tequila.   There is a sack on the floor next to him that occasionally appears to hop?

I see Doug at the bar talking to Danica and sipping on his pina colada.  Hope Rufus doesn't notice. And Gnossos is at a table near Ruf and rat.  He’s surrounded by model quality chicks, a blond, a brunette, a redhead, and a young one (maybe too young?) with spike hair in black and blue with crimson tips.

“Hey, Gnossos, I’ll see you at the after-party.”  (Always liked that guy.)

They’ve removed the mechanical bull and the cage used for the extreme fighting matches in order to provide more room for the awards ceremony and extra tables have been brought in.  Not to be redundant but the place looks pretty damn good.

Deuce is now entering the bar.  He’s wearing a tux and a dress cape with red lining.  Not a look many men could pull off.  But the guy looks marvelous.  He gets a big hand from the patrons as he makes his way over to the long-bar to talk to the girls and check on the till.

Well, now that the Big Guy is here it’s about time we got this show on the road. 


  1. allen said...
    I am told this is the real deal.

    Australia says NO - Second Time she has done this!

    She's done it again..
    She sure isn't backing down on her hard line stance and one has to appreciate her belief in the rights of her native countrymen..
    A breath of fresh air to see someone lead. I wish some leaders would step up in Canada & USA .

    Australian Prime Minister does it again!!
    This woman should be appointed Queen of the World.. Truer words have never been spoken.

    It took a lot of courage for this woman to speak what she had to say for the world to hear. The retribution could be phenomenal, but at least shewas willing to take a stand on her and Australia 's beliefs.

    The whole world needs a leader like this!

    Prime Minister Julia Gillard - Australia

    Muslims who want to live under Islamic Sharia law were told on Wednesday to get out of Australia , as the government targeted radicals in a bid to head off potential terror attacks..

    Separately, Gillard angered some Australian Muslims on Wednesday by saying she supported spy agencies monitoring the nation's mosques. Quote:

    I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians. '

    'This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom'

    'We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society. Learn the language!'

    'Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing, political push, but a fact, because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture.'

    'We will accept your beliefs, and will not question why. All we ask is that you accept ours, and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us.'

    'This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom, 'THE RIGHT TO LEAVE'.'
    'If you aren't happy here then LEAVE. We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted.'

    Maybe if we circulate this amongst ourselves in Canada & USA, WE will find the courage to start speaking and voicing the same truths.
    If you agree, please SEND THIS ON, and ON, and ON to as many people as you know. Your choice.

    Thu Jan 06, 09:40:00 PM EST

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. You're off to a Great Start, Q.

    I can't wait.

  4. You have absolutely outdone yourself, Quirk. If this don't win a Pulitzer prize nothing will.

    A spectacular spectacle! You captured the EB Bosco Awards moment by moment.

    Now, don't bother, I'm trying to do some business, here.

  5. I like my job. :)

    Thanks, Q.

    BTW, since I'm in charge of the secondary pat-down, I brought a screen in and have turned it into a strip search. The girls don't seem to mind.

    In fact, I started out with one girl at a time behind the screen, but out there, out in the line that's getting ever longer, they're teaming up in pairs and wanting to come behind the screen for a tandem strip search.

    These are some truly enthusiastic girls.

    Wherever did you find them, Q?!

  6. .

    Sam, you just have to mention pat-down or in your case strip search and they find you.


  7. Is this the EB Bosco Awards or the freaking Emmys?

    Good fucking grief.

    Part 1? How many parts are there? I leave for vacation in eight weeks ya know. And flighty bumble heads tend to read slow.

  8. Actually, Q...excellent, superb, magnificent, top-notch, grade A, sensational, inspiring, exceptional…Should I go on.

    I can't wait to read more. It will give me a good excuse tomorrow to stay horizontal.

  9. How ironic after leaving my friends tonight that the first song I heard was…


    Not that anyone here would get it but I thought I would share. Since, ya know, I'm a big Norah Jones fan.

  10. Yes, I do.

    Are you paired up with your partner?

  11. "I have views on all these subjects but if I choose not to express them that’s my business.”

    Well, where would I be if I had a partner?

  12. Behind the screen with me getting searched.

    You're a VIP, aren't you? You get to cut to the front. Lucky you.

    You want to go first? Or your partner? Or both at the same time?

  13. I've been to Daytona Beach for Spring Break. Party time.

  14. Sam, take my advice and trim up before you start those searches. All that hair might cloud your judgement.

  15. Just did 4 days ago. Good to go. For a bit.

  16. Of course I'm VIP. And if I wasn't I would just push to the front of the line anyway.

  17. .

    I have been requested by management to ask that you guys "get a room".

    If I hadn't completed this a week ago, right after the part where the crowd goes "Trish" "Trish" "Trish", I would have added,

    "She gives them a wry smile."

    Quel dommage

    Well unless Whit plans on staying up all night the rest of this won't be up before tomarrow anyway.

    Good night.


  18. Only if taking French for three years makes me one.

  19. "Thinking About You" is one of four Norah Jones songs in my iTunes library. So far.

  20. Whit, that's unacceptable.

    I have three of her CD's in my itunes. I'll be more than happy to burn them for you. I'm not asking for an address but if you have a po box I would mail them to you, seriously.

    If not just point in a vague direction and on my way to Daytona I'll just toss them out the window.

    It's snowing.

  21. They won't tell us how much is coming in on Tues.

  22. Whit maybe you should put up part 2 at least I'll have something to read half the morning.

    I have no clue why I'm awake. I had a dream that I had cavity.

  23. For some reason the story of Ted Williams just touches my heart.

  24. I also had a dream the other night that I went to a Justin Bieber concert.

  25. Very accurate thread. Just a few points to mention...

    I am in agreement that the title of the production will be "The History of Jewish Palestine".

    I will not check my concealed carry piece....

    I have a duty to help Sam

    I have several flasks of single malt scotch to help...

  26. Well, Gosh darn, WiO, you actually made me laugh…out loud to boot.

  27. Also, why is that every time the question is asked, where would you cut government spending, the answer is always, I don't know.

    Do they really not know or is it some ancient chinese secret that cannot be revealed yet?

  28. I shifted my fat ass to the opposite end of the couch so I can gaze out of the window at the winter wonderland that is embracing our area at the moment.

  29. MeLoDy said...
    Also, why is that every time the question is asked, where would you cut government spending, the answer is always, I don't know.

    cut acorn, npr, aid to hamas, palestinians, jordan, egypt, saudi arabia

    cut nato spending

    cut spending on protecting south korea

    cut ethanol

    cut government retirement programs

    cut stimulus spending

    start there.

  30. I'm not questioning the wisdom of the EB patrons. Lord knows you all have your opinions and each and every one of you believe you are right. And who is to say you're not. But every interview I watch the question always rises and the answer is always the same. I don't know.

    Just this morning I saw a clip of an interview with the new speaker and when asked about cutting spending his response was….Yup, you got it…I don't know.

  31. .

    Bonjour mon petit chaton.

    Oh hi WiO.

    By the way, the comment above wasn't meant for you.


  32. Vous avez une façon avec les paroles de mon taureau furieux

  33. .

    C'est facile. Le francais est le langue de l'amour, non?

    Although anything further than this and I will need to pull up Google translator.

    I only had two years of French.


  34. This comment has been removed by the author.

  35. .

    What I should have said was, "I only had two years of French a long, long time ago".

    The only French i really remember are the phrases I use a lot like,

    Mais merde, à quoi je pensais ?


  36. Bonjour mon petit chaton.

    Oh hi WiO.

    By the way, the comment above wasn't meant for you.

    I haven't been petit in 47 years and not sure what a chaton is but by it's root? CHAT sounds like it means girl?

  37. And you think I know the words for raging bull.

    I spent most of my second year mesmerized by the boy across the room and the third year was spent in hall with him for disrupting the class.

  38. Are you insinuating that I'm a mean girl.

    Parce que je suis un chaton

  39. .

    I spent most of my second year mesmerized by the boy across the room and the third year was spent in hall with him for disrupting the class..

    Sounds like it worked out the way you wanted.



  40. .

    Are you insinuating that I'm a mean girl.

    Hardly. Petite chaton, 'little kitten', merely un terme d'affection.


  41. I must get something done so I leave you with this

    Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear ya. Thank God for small miracles.

    The miracle is that freaking ipad thingy that I'm thinking I must have. Which my daughter just told me macs now can have the same apps as iphones and ipads. Woo hoo…

  42. I know what it means I was talking to WiO.

    When he said, "I haven't been petit in 47 years and not sure what a chaton is but by it's root? CHAT sounds like it means girl?"

  43. Dah…I thought it said mean girl

    But it said means girl.

    I better start enlarging my screen. Or get longer arms.

  44. Fucking flighty bumble heads...

  45. Blind as a bat until I had lasik done twice. The second time I chose mono-vision. It's been two years since the second procedure and I refuse to wear reading glasses.

  46. At least I got to start the day by laughing out loud.

    OTOH, I am now overcome with foreboding.

    (It's all good, it's all good, it's all good...)

    Gosh, that's a nice dress.

    And apparently I showered.

    How thoughtful of me.

    It's supposed to be My Job Here Is Done.

    We discussed this. Remember?

    Ye Who Enter Here All Hope Abandon.

    Well, yes, this has occurred to me of late.

    My Concepts In Western Lit teacher was fond of that on exam days.

  47. Soit dit en passant, je n'ai jamais dit à personne de pisser une corde

  48. Maybe he meant to say piss on a rope. There is a difference you know.

  49. I'm going to play dress up with my best friend. She will be four on Sunday.

    She wants to be a pretty, pretty princess. I want to be a pretty, pretty pirate.

    She said, "Oh, no Granny you can't be a pirate that's for boys."

    "Why, it's not just for boys?"

    "Please, please don't be a pirate."

    What do you think?

  50. refering to my day of course

  51. Sorry, I don't speak French.

    Try Spanish.

    No, not that either.


    But with helpful illustrations because, you know, it's been quite a few years.

  52. Obtenez-moi mon épée et rhum. Mon eyepatch aussi. Pleine voile en avant. Conseil à la volonté. Jetez-les tous par dessus bord. Mais prenez leur otage de capitaine. Et toutes femmes. Nous party ce soir. Oui.

  53. Mon épouse est devenue fâchée contre tout sous le soleil et a soufflé hors d'ici comme un ouragan. Elle s'est arrêtée chez Riggins et a mis deux nuits sur mon par la carte de crédit. Elle va chercher une hausse. Des femmes, vous ne pouvez pas les aider si vous essayez. Ils sont impossibles, absurdes, illogiques et beaux. Elle revient. Elle dit.

  54. "She wants to be a pretty, pretty princess."

    Or as Doug would say, "Princeass." Bless his wormy heart.

    Can I get you anything from the package store?

    I've already got orange juice so I'm thinking big plastic bottle of very cheap wodka. Mmmmmaaaaybe two.

    This requires, among other things, changing out of pajama pants.

    Where's home liquor delivery when you need it?

  55. Je ne pourrai pas faire cuire le lard après tous. Ni fumée dans le logement.

  56. mais FFB, vous avez un perroquet sur l'épaule?

  57. Trish, c'est:
    vas te faire encule, FFB

  58. Les femmes sont immunisés contre le bon sens. Certains sont de telles oies idiotes. Il est quelque chose dans leurs cerveaux. Vous pouvez prendre un cheval à l'eau mais il est difficile de leur faire la boisson. Oies idiotes. Rempli de vanité et de hâtiment, impitoyables. Sapristi. Femmes.

  59. Je suis un oiseau de merde. Je suis un oiseau de merde, mon perroquet indique. Je dois aller maintenant. Appels de travail. Le travail est la malédiction de la classe potable.

  60. Sometimes I wish Trish would say what she really means.

  61. Let me just take this opportunity to say fuck you, too, Blue.

    I'm covering the bases.

    A cape?

    I am impressed.

  62. "Sometimes I wish Trish would say what she really means."

    Sometimes I wish some of you would be more diligent with your medication.

    You know I recalled last night that I have, in the past, felt guilty for not posting here for any length of time - or for wanting not to post here.

    Talk about yer more warped sense of obligation.

  63. I am a glutton for punishment.

    Up to point. Up to a point.

  64. Okay, so the pirate thing didn't work out but I got one fucking awesome outfit for bike week.

    Want to see?

  65. Trish said,

    This requires, among other things, changing out of pajama pants.

    You really must get out more. Everybody's doin' it.

  66. It's all over sometime, it's all over sometime, it's all over sometime...

  67. Goodness, gracious, Neil's dentures make him look almost alive ;-)

    Atlanta 1976

    Look at that crowd! Now, that's how we do in Dixie.

    Hot? Hey, Texas is hot, so is Hell, said Sherman. "Artimus" Pile, the drummer, often wore his BVD bottoms only. And who says we are conservative...O, yeah, "yanks" (and I mean that in the nicest possible way).

    Gimme a "T"

  68. trish said...
    It's cold outside, allen.

    Fri Jan 07, 01:00:00 PM EST

    OK, then, where the top...Jeez...

  69. Let me just take this opportunity to say fuck you, too, Blue.

    I'm covering the bases.

    That's the spirit, Trish, fuck 'em all.

  70. Trish,

    You could also wear the top.

  71. Andd in fancy French that is, so you'll know next time --

    Laissez-moi juste saisir cette occasion de dire la baise vous, aussi, bleu. Je couvre les bases. C'est l'esprit, Trish, baise tous.

    baise tous

  72. The gutters have been cleaned. Bob.

    The gutters have been cleaned.

  73. The gutters seem to need cleaing daily, Trish.

    My car has a flat tire. My car has no back window. My car's back seat is full of snow. My car is my daughter's hand me down convertible. My wife took her car away.

    And I am waiting for AAA.

  74. A lot fucking going on around here must be a perfect world…inside these walls.

  75. Yeah, allen. I got it.

    Well, wouldja look at that.

    Time for a nap already.

    I'd like to chat with the President later.

  76. Sarkozy: Mideast Christians victims of 'cleansing'

    …just another uppity neo-con Jew, who also happens to be the president of a country…

  77. "The gutters seem to need cleaing daily, Trish."

    Not sure the landlord wants to pony up for that.

    Gutter Helmet's cheaper.

    Gutter Helmet.

    Oh, now, that is funny.

  78. These Idaho girls are tough, Miss AAA is out there in a sweatshirt, I ask, aren't you cold?, no, it's nice today! I'm shivering. The poodle dog in the truck is shivering.

    Get yourself AAA Plus. Bunch of free tows, 100 miles radius, etc.
    Tire had a slice in it, had to be towed. What a cheery girl in this cold weather.

  79. trish said...
    Yeah, allen. I got it.

    Well, certainly you do; I don't.

    What kind of world is it where a guy cannot go into a liquor store (or just about anywhere else, for that matter) shirtless under a Don Imus replica 20 gal. inverted commode "cowboy" hat?

    Let a gal show up shirtless and she has the world by the tail.

  80. Don Imus looks damn silly in that hat.

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