"Brevity is the soul of lingerie"- Quirk said...
HOROSCOPE – Leo (July 23 – August 21)Origin
– Fifth sign of the zodiac; named after the Nemean Lion, a heroic beast that got his ass kicked in a fight with Hercules. To commemorate the epic struggle Hera placed the Lion in the heavens and thus we have the constellation of Leo.Controlling Body
– SunLucky Day
– Gold (Red/Orange)Element
– LionLucky Number
- OneCompatible Signs
– Aries, SagittariusIncompatible Signs
– Capricorn, PiscesFamous Leos
– Alexander the Great, Napoleon, Benito Mussolini, Genghis Khan, Deng Xiaoping, Menachem Begin, Fidel Castro, Princess Anne, Mata Hari, Anita Hill, Henry Ford, Milton Freeman, Amelia Earhart, Dolores del Rio, Herman Melville, Percy B. Shelly, Karl G. Jung, Roman PolanskiLeo Quote (Male)
– Barack H. Obama: "Al Qaeda is still a threat. We cannot pretend somehow that because Barack Hussein Obama got elected as president, suddenly everything is going to be OK.”Leo Quote (Male)
– Barack H. Obama: “Why can't I just eat my waffle?”Leo Quote (Male)
– Bill Clinton: “What's a man got to do to get in the top fifty?" (reacting to a survey of journalists that ranked the Monica Lewinsky scandal as the 53rd most significant story of the century)Leo Quote (Male)
– Mick Jagger: “It's all right letting yourself go, as long as you can get yourself back."Leo Quote (Female)
– Dorothy Parker: "Brevity is the soul of lingerie."Leo Quote (Female)
- Jackie Kennedy: "There are two kinds of women, those who want power in the world and those who want power in bed."Attributes –
Big, bright, bouncy, larger-than-life, idealistic, charismatic, generous, ambitious, extrovert, adventurous, dynamic, strong-willed, magnanimous, courageous, grand, creative, splendiferous, born leaders, self-centered, insensitive, narcissistic, egoistic, pompous, bossy, intolerant, arrogant, haughty, needy
The typical Leo is hard to miss. Bigger than life, they project accordingly. They travel through life at the center of the stage, flamboyant in dress and manner. The most important motivator for the Leo is his own self-image, and that image is a heroic one. This can be both a blessing and a curse. The Leo creates his own mythology. He/she creates an internal, idealized world of black and white, good and evil, with himself as hero at the center of that world. Further he has the motivation, ambition, and energy to bring that world to reality. The defending “Most Interesting Man in the World” is a Leo.
The Leo is courageous and willing to take risks to achieve his aims. His prime motivations are to be the center of attention and to be appreciated. While it may not appear that way to most people, the Leo’s is sometimes shy and introverted and his actions are often meant to compensate for the fact that he is terrified of being perceived as mediocre, or left unnoticed or unappreciated. He/she desperately needs love and affection and the applause of the crowd. Leos make good managers, chefs, politicians, knights and dictators. Recent surveys indicate that a disproportionate percentage of actors and bungee jumpers are Leos.
In relationships, the Leo is magnanimous. He is a romantic and he can make the person he loves feel the beauty of that romance, at least for a while. However, the Leo is a romantic and sometimes, because it fits more with his own self-generated mythology, is more in love with the concept of love than with any specific partner. This often leads to tension and/or masturbation. If the partner rebukes him because of this, the Leo is usually dumfounded and dejected having never realized that caught up in his own vision he was causing pain to another. That’s why it is important for the Leo to choose a relationship with a compatible astrological sign. To do otherwise can lead to disaster. Mary Jo Kopechne, fatality and Leo, should have avoided her relationship with that Pisces politician. Just saying.
The Leo sees himself as the hero of life’s story and is unwilling to share the spotlight. Likewise, in the idealized mythology the Leo creates for himself he is concerned with great things and cannot be bothered with the mundane and banal. Unfortunately, he assumes that others will without complaint handle the small stuff and pick up after him. It was a Leo that invented the position of “booze lackey”.
The typical Leo is an idea guy. He would rather be the “Big Fish in a small pond” than vice versa. He is willing to invest whatever it takes to bring his vision to reality. This means he often attains significant material success. However, it can often also lead to heroic failures. The concept of the “See-through Burqa” was developed by a Leo. However, while it achieved significant critical acclaim when first introduced on the Paris runways, it for some reason never became a commercial success.
Bold and flamboyant, Leo’s are the demigods of the astrological universe. Unfortunately, in many senses they are walking anachronisms. In today’s world, reality intrudes on their romantic vision. The heyday of the Leo Age peaked in France sometime near the end of the 15th Century.Appropriate Leo Pets –
Leo pets should reflect the personality of their owner. They should be flamboyant, impressive, and exotic. Appropriate Leo pets could include peacocks, Komodo dragons, and griffins. Cats are surprisingly inappropriate pets for the Leo. For while they share the Leo’s haughty arrogance, they are also self-centered and independent and incapable of giving the Leo the appreciation and attention he covets.This year is expected to offer a mixed bag for the typical Leo.
• People consider Leo the Divine Child of the zodiac. The Sun shines upon you and you are basically just a kid at heart. Unfortunately, this will not prevent you from being tried as an adult later this month.
• A slight crack in the door of your microwave will result in microwave leakage sufficient to give you the tumor-growing capability of 20 normal people thus assuring you another slot in the Guinness Book of World Records.
• At this year’s Renaissance Festival, you will receive a broken collar bone when hit by a huge, overly –done drumstick in a fight with another Leo over who deserves to be called King of the Festival. The state police and local swat team will be called in when the conflict spreads as people dressed in Star Wars regalia enter into a food fight with World of War proponents and New Agers. A number of police will be injured by flying crystals.
• At the annual Christmas party, forgetting to disconnect the lamp while reaching for the lampshade results in a spectacular conflagration which achieves to an unexpected degree your goal of becoming the center of attention.Next Month: Virgo (monthly personalized horoscopes available by request)Other Service
We have a number of exciting announcements to make this month regarding our exclusive Palm Reading Service.
Starting this month, Dr. Antonio Cicerellioni, prior head hand surgeon at the Granada Institute of Orthopedic Hand Surgery, is joining our staff at the Palm Reading Institute. Dr. Cicerellioni pioneered the groundbreaking “carpal tunnel expansion” technique used to extend life lines and expand love lines. We will now be offering these exclusive services to our clients.
For the coming month, anyone who signs up for one of these services will be entered into a contest to win a full week, all-inclusive vacation at the Welcoming Arms Resort located in Lily Dale, New York on the shores of lovely Cassadaga Lake. Lily Dale, medium capital of the world, “the town where no one dies”, is recognized as the place where knowledge and enlightenment converge in ways that deepen faith and heighten awareness. The energy of the universal life force can be felt, experienced and developed in this serene 19th century lakeside community surrounded by towering, old-growth forest. It’s an experience that can’t be missed in this lifetime (or the next). This is the perfect chance to visit with family and friends you never thought you would hear from again.
Sign up for either of our new services and you will automatically be entered to win this dream trip to Lily Dale.
However, there are no losers at Souls R Us.
Anyone purchasing any of our many services this month will receive a gift certificate for a half hour session at our nationally franchised oxygen bar, To Air is Human.
• As always, discounts on our full range of services are available to the Rosicrucian brotherhood (secret handshake required).
Because of time and space constraints we don’t usually present any expanded horoscopes. However, this month we were presented with a request for some comments on people with Leo ascendant; therefore, being a slave to the whims of the EB Muses, I offer the following:[Note: Please remember that horoscopes merely highlight tendencies and potentials. Any particular person may be molded and shaped by other planetary influences and may never fully exhibit all the typical traits associated with his/her Sun Sign.
Leo ascendant individuals typically share many of the Leo’s more obvious characteristics. You can’t help but notice them. They are flamboyant, energized, spontaneous, very conscious of their appearance especially their hair, and are always seeking to be the center of attention. They are usually the life of the party and jealous of sharing the spotlight. However, when things don’t go their way, look out. The resulting temper tantrums can produce a lot of collateral damage.
Women who are Leo ascendant typically have cute toes. Because they share the Leo’s flamboyant nature, they will often adorn them with bright red polish even though some people who are not necessarily Leo ascendant might offer the suggestion that a more muted hue might be more attractive.
The appropriate scent for the Leo ascendant woman would be a perfume or a subtler eau de parfum drawn from the Creed line of fragrances. However, while the true LEO wouldn’t think twice about purchasing the Creed brand, the Leo ascendant individual might be swayed by the more practical aspects of her own sign and forego the extravagance. Of course, it doesn’t hurt to offer birthday suggestions.
Thu Jul 29, 12:38:00 AM EDT