“This site is dedicated to preying on peoples vanity, ignorance, or loneliness, gaining their trust and betraying them without remorse.”

Sunday, May 08, 2011

Happy Mother's Day


  1. Dear Mr Dog

    Don't cry. There is absolutely no reason for you eat pigs and cows. Just think how much longer you will live without furnishing your arteries with all that unnecessary fat.

    Also? Just because olive oil is the "good" fat doesn't necessarily mean you should douse your food with it everyday.

    Thank you and have a nice day.

  2. Chomsky on OBL: "We might ask ourselves how we would be reacting if Iraqi commandos landed at George W. Bush’s compound, assassinated him, and dumped his body in the Atlantic. Uncontroversially, his crimes vastly exceed bin Laden’s..."


  3. Comrade Chomsky is exactly why I hang out in places like the "Elephant" Bar and vote funny. Okay, here's a clue for Noam and Ward "Little Eichmanns" Churchill and any another lefty loon of similar ilk:

    OBL deliberately targeted innocent civilians in the airplanes and the WTC.

    GWB said, okay, you picked a fight with us, but if you wanna fight, you can go up against our volunteer soldiers, sailors, airmen, and marines, and you will fight them in the Arc of Instability rather than on our home soil.

  4. Dear Mr. Wolf -

    There is absolutely no reason for you to eat elk and deer. If you were a sensible vegetarian like, say, a rabbit people like Bob wouldn't be shooting at you. Think about it. Change your ways.

    Thank you and have a nice day.

    My wife and I both saw the other day a item on the TV about a woman who had some dentistry done, and came out of it talking with an English accent. She, my wife, had actually heard of this extremely rare syndrome. Not always touched off by dentistry. Said no one seems to know what is going on. Her husband however was quite cool about the whole thing, saying, on a scale from 1 to 10 of things that can mess up a marriage, this doesn't even rise to a 1. Indeed, some men might find a little change of accent once in while attractive in a wife.

    I say, she did sound rather English.


  5. Been watching the Fox News Program on 9 - 11.

    Wonder what Zawahiri is watching tonight. I bet he feels like he's been hit in the ass with a louiseville slugger.

  6. On this Mother's Day with a flick of my right wrist to the right and then quickly two fingers across my throat the mother of my children pulled the car off the road and killed the engine and we watched as a huge black bear bumbled across the highway, through some wheat growing and into the timber beyond and I smoothly was out the door slipping out of my socks and shoes and off with the Clearwater Casine Jackpot Winner's T-shirt and I dropped my pants and was into the trunk and my hardened hand grasped my grecian man capable bear slaying spear and I put my hair up in a bun rubber banded and made my way through traffic of 95 and loping like a happy wolf through the greening grain of springtime a slight song of slaughter in my happy heart I came to the edge of the timber and slowed and read the sign through the woods the progress of the bear following a print here and a broken twig there up through the tall timber to a rise whence I gazed down on a meadow of light where a river runs through it and there magnificent on my side of the wine dark water was the bear digging spring roots among the great grasses and my heart rose up with the great grasses singing and I moved like motionless motion behind some Old Man of the Mountain brush leafing green in the spring and parted them with my grecian tip four bladed spear honed to hurt to beard shaving sharpness and watched my prey and closing my leafy window I moved beside a giant cedar tree and as I always do ululated a trill and a sharp two fingered whistle at the end as an exclamation point and the bear and the bear looked over his left shoulder vegetation hanging from his mouth from his mouth then swiveled and rose on his twos and his dim eyes searched the horizon and his ears were up and his nose tasted the life giving air then he was down on two then up again full straight and I planted my feet my man capable bear slaying grecian spear I hurled horrible and I was high and to the left of the spot between his eyes my target...

  7. and the rotating blade sliced his right ear the blood flowing and he dropped to twos and then rose again and caught my sight and I thought now is the moment of truth and I grasped my kris dagger blade twisted and honed to harvest men's guts and hearts and thought I'm dead but it will be like a drink of cool water no it will just be nothing and I wondered if I might meet my grandfather and was happy my women was away encased in car steel and I faced the man slaying bear faced him down stared him down and jumped and waved my legs and arms like a fool like one might think Quirk might do when he conceives what he believes to be a thought and the bear bolted and fled splashed through the wine dark water and fled across the river and into the trees and I returning to my woman said I missed high and to the left but marked his ear for next time elated was I and wet with moisture my muscles lithe and strong and she said get in the car you old fool and put some clothes and sit in back seat and shut the hell up one more of this display of nonsense and you are on your own and I obeying sheeply my man slaying wife wrapped my man capable bear slaying spear in its oily cloth wrap and shameful sat in the back seat asilent and clothed myself.

    That was what happened to me this mother's day, I also brought her some flowers at the Casino.


  8. $59.99 unbeatablee Hanzo price


  9. Two 90-year-old men, Sam and Leo, had been friends all of their lives.

    When it was clear that Sam was dying, Leo visited him every day.
    One day Leo said, 'Sam, we both loved playing baseball all our lives, and
    we played all through high school.
    Please do me one favor:
    when you get to Heaven, somehow you gotta' let me know if there's baseball there.'

    Sam looked up at Leo from his deathbed and said, 'Leo, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you.'

    Shortly after that, Sam passed on.

    A few nights later, Leo was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him,

    'Leo, Leo.'

    'Who is it?', asked Leo, sitting up suddenly. 'Who is it?'

    'Leo -- it's me, Sam.'

    'You're not Sam. Sam just died.'

    'I'm telling you, it's me, Sam,' insisted the voice.

    'Sam! Where are you?'

    'In Heaven,' replied Sam. 'I have some really good news and a little bad news.'

    'Tell me the good news first,' said Leo.

    'The good news,' Sam said, 'is that there's baseball in Heaven. Better yet all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows.
    And best of all, we can play baseball all we want, and we never get tired.'

    'That's fantastic,' said Leo. 'It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?'

    'You're pitching Tuesday.'

  10. .

    Mother’s Day (as told by the bear cub to his bros down at the swamp)

    So anyway it’s a beautiful sunny day in May and I'm bumbling across the highway enjoying the weather. I happen to look up and I notice a car has pulled off the highway. I assume it’s a couple of the local high school kidss trying to get a little so I ignore it and move on.

    I head up that little rise, the one that heads down to the meadow by the creek. And I stretch out on my back and am soaking up the sun. I‘m chewing on a piece of grass and thinking of that little she-bear that lives down in the gulch. And though I’m just barely out of the cub stage, I am starting to get a full blown woody on so I start doing a little massaging.

    Then I hear this noise. Kinda shook me up cause I was afraid someone might have seen what I was doing. A little embarrassing you know. But I look around and don’t see anyone.

    I roll over on my stomach and I hear the rustling sound again. I look to my right and I see some movement in the bushes. Next thing I see is some guy crawling out of that patch of Old Man of the Mountain. You know the one I mean. It’s near the stream. It’s the patch interlaced with the poison ivy vines.

    Anyway, the guy stands up and it scared the everloving bejesus out of me. It was some old coot, wrinkled as a prune, fat as a pig, and naked as a jay. Worse, he had his hair up in a bun like some perverted Nancy-boy. Looked like something straight out of The Hills Have Eyes I swear to god, I was never been so terrified in my life.

    So we are standing there looking at each other. I’m scared shitless and can’t move. He’s got this vacant stare and idiot smile. I didn’t know whether to shit or go blind. If I had been thinking more clearly I would have roared for a ranger but I was petrified.

    Then to add to the horror the guy starts bouncing around, his miniscule swantz doing a little jig between his legs, and he starts to whistle and ululate like some Muslim chick or the eunuch of a harem. I about passed out.

    I was about to turn and run when I see him pull out a stick. It kinda looked like one of those toys they sell to the kids over at the Indian reservation.

    I start backing up and he throws the thing at me. I swear I think the lunatic was actually trying to hit me. In fact he did nick my ear. I thought what the fuck. But then he pulled out a knife and I said “legs don’t fail me now” and was gone. I didn’t know if the whack job wanted to kill me or screw me. He was just that weird.

    What a day.


  11. .

    Book Title: Beware of the Doug: Political Pap From Pinappleheadland

    Chapter 5: Maui Musings

    We will begin this chapter with a little house cleaning.

    Doug said...

    Socialized Medicine no different than patient choice.

    Card check, right to work.
    Fairness doctrine, free speech.
    Socialised Medicine, free market medicine.

    Freedom no different than servitude.
    Freedom for terrorists no different than death for the scumbags.

    Dems no different than pubs?

    You have NO credibility, Quirk!

    sophmoric blatherings
    Sun May 08, 01:01:00 PM EDT


    Cut benefits to the poor and middle class. Cut taxes for the rich.

    Cut subsidies to small farmers and small business. Increase subsidies to the oil companies.

    Cut unemployment benefits. Increase military spending.

    Prosecute the little guy for exaggerating his pay in applying for a loan. Ignore the fact that the banks were involved in fraud in setting up the loans.

    Fight consumer protection regulations in the hopes that the banks and other companies that got us into the shit we are in right now by not being regulated will suddenly “see the light” and start creating jobs here in the US rather than take their profits and invest overseas. (Obviously, the part about hoping for jobs was mere rhetorical flourish. The real reason is because they are in the pockets of these companies.)

    Complain every time someone suggests we bring our troops home.

    Free market medicine? Christ your hilarious. They write it into law that Medicare, the largest purchaser of medicine in the US, can’t negotiate prices with the drug companies. They tell you and me it’s illegal to go to Canada to buy the drugs we need. The end result? The US pays 25 to 55 percent more than the rest of the world for our drugs. Free market medicine. Idiot.

    The Dems and GOP are two ‘opposite’ sides of the same friggin coin. Neither one of them is worth a tinker's dam. You have every right to complain about the Dems. But when you start saying the current crop of GOP is better you make yourself look silly.

    My credibility may be in questions, but you my man have enough credulity for the entire blog, nay for the entire sophomore class.


  12. heh

    In my rush to relate the adventures of my manly courage this Mother's Day I in my excitement forget to tell the truthful tale of how I recovered my weapon from the soggy soil, and washed my weapon in the wine dark sea(river). In Homer scholarship there is a controversy over the use of the phrase wine dark sea and some speculation is that, since it is the only attempt at color description in the work, the ability to distinquish color came late to the human race, as the ability to distinquish the color of spirituality, yellow, is said to have come late. I don't know about any of this, but it is odd that the Meditteranean is described as wine dark, when my one view of it from Spain showed it to be a delightful light translucent blue, anything but wine dark. And the Med is all sunny. Maybe the guy or folks who put it together simply liked to drink dark wine as they reduced an old oral myth to writing.

    I also forgot to relate how I would certainly have killed the bear had I not forgotten to wear my driving glasses, how my L-4 lumbar creaked as I threw the spear and many other things, had I mentioned them not all the books in the world could have contained them.

    Quirk, if the parties are all the same, and it don't matter who's elected, why worry it so, why not take up fly tying?


  13. If the ability to disinquish colors came late to the human race, it is possible that some laggards may not be able to distinquish between politicians and policies, either. But the gentle finger of the Lord will bring up the laggards.


  14. .

    Prosecute the interrogators!

    Time for a reality check Dougo. The little guy always takes it in the ass while guys like Bush's hired gun, John Yoo skates.

    It's the way of the world.


  15. Good one, Sam. I like the words 'eradication', 'pests', the phrase 'part of life on the land.'
    :) Looks like he's using a 12 guage with deer pellets for ammo.

    As Mother's Day is nearly over, I must get to bed, as the boss is going to work me tomorrow, eradicating weeds, part of life on the land.


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  17. Wonderful, Sam; I don't know which was the funniest. :)

  18. INDONESIA has found the black box flight data recorder from a commercial plane that crashed into the sea at the weekend killing all 25 passengers and crew, officials said today.

    Plane Crash