Welcome to Groundhog's day. No not that day but another day where everything is much as we left it yesterday. The Klansman is still dead. Obama is still looking in the mirror. McChrystal is leaving the army. The Russians are still spying on the US, the BP oil still gushing....you get the drift.
I searched and the chimpanzees caught my attention. They are still at war as well. I thought that would satiate my lust for news but then I found a Russian clip of a sailor doing one legged squats. I searched further and found a female, Zuzana Zeleznovova, doing the same exercise and took a pass on the sailor.
Fascinated by Zuzana, I looked further into the pretty young thing and saw a lot more of her than I expected. The gal is a movie star, married with two kids.
Quirk needs to do her horoscope.
Just another day in the life.
Oh Deuce,
ReplyDeleteThat was a correct statement!
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From the vid:
"...people breath heavily and sweat if they're really working out..."
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They found 128 black suitcases, packed with 5.7 tons of cocaine, valued at $100 million. The stash was supposed to have been delivered from Caracas to drug traffickers in Toluca, near Mexico City, Mexican prosecutors later found. Law enforcement officials also discovered something else.
ReplyDeleteThe smugglers had bought the DC-9 with laundered funds they transferred through two of the biggest banks in the U.S.: Wachovia Corp. and Bank of America Corp., Bloomberg Markets reports in its August 2010 issue.
This was no isolated incident. Wachovia, it turns out, had made a habit of helping move money for Mexican drug smugglers. Wells Fargo & Co., which bought Wachovia in 2008, has admitted in court that its unit failed to monitor and report suspected money laundering by narcotics traffickers -- including the cash used to buy four planes that shipped a total of 22 tons of cocaine.
Wells Fargo, Wachovia, HSBC, Citibank, et al
All the Banks are on board, and we're guarding the poppy fields in Aghanistan. You think the Government of Mexico isn't running this? You're a Dope.
I'm not saying they're running the "day to day" operation of this, but they're not shutting it down.
ReplyDeleteOf course, neither are we.
Rufus, repost those on next. Obama has big plans for Mexico and Arizona.
ReplyDeleteWELCOME to the 2010 1st Annual Bosco Awards and Christmas- Hannakuh-Saturnalia Festival
ReplyDeleteHello folks. This is the old Quirkster coming to you from the red carpet outside of the beautiful, newly renovated Elephant Bar located in downtown 2164th.blogspot.com.
We are here tonight for the 1st Annual Bosco Awards and Christmas-Hannakuh-Saturnalia Festival celebrating the best of the best among the posts at the EB for 2010. The program is scheduled to start about 7:00 pm; however, we thought we’d come out front a little early to give you a picture of some of the color and excitement surrounding this historical event.
(By the way, with regard to the name change, when scheduling issues resulted in us delaying the program and the name was changed to Bosco Awards and Christmas Festival we started getting letters and phone calls from other groups. Way of the world. Nuff said.)
We have passed the winter solstice and good times lie ahead. It’s a clear night and you can see the moon rising over the grassy knoll the other side of the parking lot. The parking lot itself is jammed with RV’s and pickup trucks and the tailgate parties have been going on since early this morning. There is the smell ribs and brisket in the air. The brewskis have been flowing and the anticipation is building to a fever pitch.
Crowds are about five or six deep on both sides of the red carpet that leads from the parking lot to the bar. The sound of the vuvuvelas is deafening and makes it a little difficult for me to speak but I will try to talk over them. On that subject, I have been asked by Souls-R-Us management to state publically that we are not responsible for supplying the vuvuvelas tonight and they take no responsibility for the annoying sounds being produced by the crowd.
I am not at liberty to state who has the concession for the vuvuvelas, but on the subject of Souls-R-Us I can state that they have won the production rights for this year’sawards ceremony. I’m sure you are all aware of the rumors and scuttlebutt that are flying around right now regarding the awards program. There is a lot of money and a lot of politics involved.
Souls-R-Us has the production rights for the ceremony for one year only. The rights for next year’s ceremony (if there is one) are currently in negotiation and the bargaining has become quite bitter. Souls-R-Us management has gone on record publically stating that “Whit is a tin horn prick and that his threats of cancelling next year’s program are merely bargaining tactics”. The EB management has issued a scathing rebuttal to Souls-R-Us stating that “He is not.”
Management further states with the amount of money involved it only makes sense to look at alternatives. They state they are alternately looking at running a 14 day festival featuring nightly episodes of a new docudrama produced by the team of rat and WiO that gives a dramatized history of major events that have occurred over the past 3000 years in the Levant. The name of the series hasn’t been finalized yet although two working titles have been discussed. One is The History of Israel and the other is The History of Palestine. There are also rumors of some dissension among the production team for that event.
Souls-R-Us Management indicates that it’s all a ruse. They say the docudrama will never get off the ground, at least not in time to replace next year’s ceremony. They also indicate they are aware that the EB has also entered discussion with the company that has the syndication rights for the Friends TV show and that the EB may just start showing reruns of that show on big screen TV.
It is all becoming very public, very political, and very ugly; and in no way reflects well on any of the parties involved.
But enough politics.
All that has nothing to do with tonight’s gala events.
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Let’s…..whoa…SHIT!!!... Jesus H. Chr…
ReplyDeleteLook I’m sorry folks. It scared the shit out… I mean… What happened was… Well as I mentioned before, the boys in the parking lot have been drinking since early this morning and some of them just aren’t thinking too clearly. A lot of them planned on having deep-fried turkey as part of the tailgating. About noon today, one of the guys dropped a half frozen turkey into the boiling oil of the deep fryer and the whole damn thing exploded.
Deafening boom.
Shot the turkey about forty feet into the air. What a dumb shit.
Anyway, a little later the same thing happened again. Now, this is the third time. The crowd is so fucked up out there I think they are actually doing it on purpose now. The noise scares the shit out of you, but I do have to admit it’s pretty spectacular when they launch. And each time it happens now there is a lot of cheering from the crowd.
Well back to the pre-show.
I’m about half way down the red carpet and as I look towards the EB it is a beautiful site. The front façade of the bar is decorated with a mural of two magnificent elephants in the midst of a tremendous battle, their tusks flashing. The mural was painted by famous UK naturalist artist Anthony Gibbs from an original Photoshopped print produced by the EB management.
Truly magnificent.
Another piece of interesting trivia for you. The new façade has only been up a couple of months now but some miscreant has already defaced it with graffiti albeit so small that it usually goes unnoticed. However, if you look at the lower right hand corner of the mural you will notice that someone has painted in the picture of a rat rampant waving his tiny rat paws as if challenging the pendulous pachyderms in the picture.
Really kind of cute. But still there is absolutely no justification for defacing a magnificent piece of art in this manner!!
But still, kind of cute.
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ReplyDeleteNow, as we pan to the right, you will see Whit posted by the velvet ropes leading to the entrance of the bar. He looks pretty dapper in his tux and red cummerbund. I am going to try to move down and get a word with him if I can.
“Hey Whit, how’s it going? Can you tell us anything about how negotiations are going for next year’s show? What?”
“I said, buzz off, I’m trying to do some business here.”
“Okay. Okay. Just trying to do my job.”
All right then, moving right along. I see that security is manning the full-scan x-ray machines that were installed a couple of days ago. Souls-R-Us arranged for additional security through our affiliation with Two Men And A Truck and some firemen we knew that had tonight off. Also there were a few WWE wrestlers that stopped into the EB for a drink a few days ago and never left. They said they were in the mood to “crack some heads” so we hired them too.
On my way out here tonight I talked to a couple of the security guys to see how things were going. They were a little concerned with the size of the crowd and the fact that everyone was pushing and shoving trying to have their x-rays taken. The x-rays are being fed and shown on one of the big screen TVs inside the EB. The faces are of course pixilated to protect identities.
The guard I talked to indicated that all the people were in his words “thoroughly wasted” and were saying that the x-ray machines were more fun than mooning the copier at the office Christmas party and handing out the pictures to everyone. [Memo to self on possible commercial opportunity. Heh. Heh. :)]
The guard also mentioned that a lot of the ladies seem to be shoving things down their panties and bras so that they would qualify for the secondary frisking being conducted inside the bar. By the way, Sam won the lottery held earlier today to determine who gets to conduct the secondary enhanced pat downs.
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ReplyDeleteOh boy. What now?
We seem to have another disturbance. There appear to be two yahoos with bull horns in the back of a Toyota pickup parked on the grassy knoll. Looks like Whit has dispatched a couple of the security guards to drag them down off there.
Yea, and as they get closer I can see its LT and Gag Reflex. They look to be drunk as skunks and LT is still wearing his lineman’s helmet. Gag has on his Cabela’s cap in camo and a t-shirt with a heat-stamped sign showing duct tape holding up a sign that reads “Real Men Use Duct Tape”.
I should mention at this point that Souls-R-Us is doing a big business in our T-Shirt Outlet/Tattoo Parlor. Our tent is at the entrance to the parking lot right across from the Marine Recruiting Center Tent and next to the Allstate Insurance Tent.
Well here comes LT and Gag now.
“Hey, LT how’s it going?”
“Fuck you Quirk.”
“Hey, Gag. Gag Reflex. I’d like to…”
“Go piss up a rope, you little fag.”
Boy, those two are always joking around. But you gotta love em.
Jokesters. Yeah.
“Hey, Whit, make sure those two shits check their guns inside. The bull horns too.”
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ReplyDeleteSpeaking of the newly decorated EB, I have already mentioned some of the decoration, the mural and all. The balance of the bar design was created by famed Chinese designer Fang Shway. It should be noted, however, Deuce and Whit insisted that certain traditional touches that really define the EB remain. For instance, anyone familiar with the old EB will recognize the sign over the front door. "Lasciate ogni speranza, voi ch'entrate." ("All hope abandon, ye who enter in.")
The sign is the original but we refurbished an electric Christmas stencil light so that now the sign appears to be engulfed in a slowly moving green mist. Quite an eerie effect. (H/T to Cleaning Lady for coming up with the stencil lamp.)
Well it’s getting close to the start of the program, and the V.I.P.’s and regulars should start arriving soon. This is what the crowd has been waiting for.
I should mention that the crowd seems to be divided in their loyalties. The various sections seem to be divided by faction. For instance, I am in a section surrounded by people in red sweatshirts that read “SHE Who Must Be OBEYED”. They seem to be big fans of Trish.
Directly across the way there is a crowd of people wearing yarmulkes and sweatshirts that read “ADAM The Man. The Myth. The Legend.” who seem to be fans of Allen. Opposite them on this side of the red carpet is another group again wearing yarmulkes. Can’t see their shirts but they occasionally break into cheers of “Wio” “WiO” “WiO”. Every so often someone in that group shouts “Nuke the Rock.”
With other groups it’s a little harder to determine where their loyalties lie. For instance, one group is waving banners that say “Embrace Your Irrelevance”. Another group has sweatshirts that read “Big Bad FRANK”. Still another group is wearing Viking helmets with horns on the sides. It’s difficult to tell if they are rooting for one of the regulars or are a group of Minnesota Vikings fans who just stopped in for a beer.
I would provide more color but the crowd has spontaneously started doing the wave and it is hard to get more detail. Besides it appears the first of the regulars have started to arrive.
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ReplyDeleteYes, here comes Trish.
She’s looking marvelous in an airy, light pistachio green knee-length gown by Monique Lhuillier. The gown itself is cut low in the front and ‘very-low’ in the back revealing a tramp stamp that says “Support Our Troops”. (Impossible to tell if it’s permanent or a henna peel-off. We sell both types at the “Souls-R-Us T-Shirt/Tattoo Parlor tent).
As she makes her way down the red carpet in killer black patent and fabric, pointy-toed heels by Christian Louboutin, the crowd breaks into spontaneous cries of “Trish.” “Trish.” “Trish.”
Next, a murmur goes through the crowd as Melody starts down the red carpet.
Mel is dressed in an orange wooly jumper that hides her mysterious tats (yes I said tats, as in tattoos, you perverts). She is also wearing black knee high stiletto boots, of course, with a Packham’s clutch.
The crowd begins a rhythmic “MLD” “MLD” “MLD” as she passes.
Since she is on this side of the carpet I’ll try to catch her attention.
“Mel. Mel. Can I have a word with you?”
“How do you mean that?”
“I just…”
“You people think I am just a flighty bumble-head. I have views on all these subjects but if I choose not to express them that’s my business.”
“But I just want to ask…”
“I’m staying. I’m not letting you guys determine where and when I can stop by for a drink, post a few songs, be happy. Fuck you and your issues.”
“But I…”
“Peace out.”
“Thanks Mel.”
OK. Well, it looks like the third muse has just arrived. Here comes Selah (T, Lilith, Teresita, et al).
Selah is dressed in a daring black and blue Marchesa mini paired with a crazy kool and I must say awesomely bold pair of canary yellow heels. Dynamite! She has no clutch but she is sporting a tat on her right arm which pictures Gothic lettering in Spanish. It appears to read, “Don’t Tread on Me, Hombre.” However, my Spanish is a little weak and it could just say “F.U.C.K. D.A.D.T.”
At any rate, she is getting the usual applause from crowd; although it is a little more confusing since there does not appear to be any consensus as to which persona is appreciated more. Cheers of “Selah”, “T”, “American Woman”, “Isis?”, “Teresita”, "Lilith"and numerous others are combined in a general babble and cacophony.
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ReplyDeleteNow as Selah makes her way towards the x-rays, I see the VIPS are arriving.
Five huge VH-3D Sea King helicopters from the HMX-1 “Nighthawks” Squadron are now circling the parking lot area in a random pattern. A muffled “ooooohhh” goes up from the crowd.
Now one of the helicopters breaks out from the pattern and heads for the EB’s heli-pad. That’s right folks, we can tell you now. Our surprise guest for tonight’s award ceremony is the The President of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama. Now you can see the reason for the secrecy and for and the scheduling delays in setting up our program.
Marine One has now landed and we are waiting for the President to exit the copter. The escort helicopters that acted as decoys are still circling the parking lot. And now in the background it appears a giant C-130 Hercules transport is coming in for a landing on the interstate the other side of the parking lot.
Ooh Baby, this is starting to get exciting.
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ReplyDeleteOh damn! What now?
Shit! Sorry. It looks like one of those yahoos in the parking lot just shot off another turkey. It seems to have taken out one of the escort copters. The pilot of the damaged copter is bringing it in with a controlled pinwheeling maneuver.
He now has it on the ground and it appears there was little additional damage to the coptor. Hopefully, there was no one injured. Great job by the pilot.
The other escort coptors have now landed and Rangers in full riot gear are pouring out. Heads are being cracked. After initially falling back the crowd has regrouped. The Rangers are now being pelted by snow balls and various types of BarBQue foodstuffs.
It’s starting to get ugly.
Whit has jumped into action and is now running up the red carpet followed by a phalanx of security guards. They are rushing into the melee in the parking lot and starting to pass out Jello Shots. Ineffective at first, the move seems to be slowly bringing the tumult under control. Good work Whit, and good thinking too.
I have been instructed to make the following announcement.
Shooting objects at federal aircraft is strictly prohibited and will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. In addition, there is a possibility that you will be banned from future EB events.
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ReplyDeleteI have also been asked to make this additional announcement.
You will note that there are no Secret Service men here with the President tonight. We have been informed that Mrs. Obama and her daughters are on their monthly ‘girls night out’. It’s my understanding she is currently visiting Cairo with a party that includes Philipe Sarcozy, Naomi Cambell, Madonna, Brittany Spears, selected members of the Rockettes, the entire secret service, staff, a few friends and family, and Brad Pitt. The size of the contingency/coterie taking both Air Force One, Air Force Two, and two C30s to transport them.
After leaving Egypt, the First Lady will travel to India to visit the Taj Mahal, and then to Shanghai for a view of the World Expo. Of course, this is also a “mix business with pleasure” trip. She will be having lunch with Liu Xia wife of dissident Nobel Prize Winner Liu Xiaobo and they will discuss the plight of fat kids. In India, she will have latte with some women’s groups and will deliver a 10 minute speech on the growing chasm between the haves and have-nots of the world. In Shangahi, while there are no official meetings, the Bund will be cordoned off while Michelle and her party bar-b-que along the Huangpu. She is expected to wave to certain portions of the crowd.
Good stuff.
Now, with no Secret Service available, Souls-R-Us has been asked to provide security for the President. We have arranged to have members of the Barbarians Motorcycle Gang provide that security. The gang members are now exiting the C130 and are presenting a formidable and intimidating front as they cross the parking lot. And it also looks like the President is also now exiting Marine One.
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ReplyDeleteYes, the President is smiling and waving as he exits. He is followed by an entourage that includes Oprah Winfrey, Pee Wee Herman, Robert Gibbs, Pete Rouse, Stevie Wonder, Paul McCartney, Lebron James and various functionaries.
Other VIP’s including Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi flew in with the Barbarians on the C130. As a matter of fact I think I see them being escorted to the red carpet now on the back of a couple of the Barbarian’s ‘hogs’.
As Obama makes his way up the red carpet he is greeted by occasional burst of applause, a nice gesture from this predominantly conservative crowd. Factors in the president’s positive reception may be the fact that the crowd is literally wasted and the signs provided by Souls-R-Us and occasionally raised to the crowd that state “APPLAUD and Get a Free Beer”.
The Obama entourage has now reached the x-ray machines but the line is still backed-up. There is kind of a ruckus as Robert Gibbs tries to arrange for Obama to take cuts. Some huge guy with “Frank” printed on his sweatshirt seems especially pissed off. Whit is trying to arrange for Obama to bypass the x-ray screening and enter through the side door. However, Oprah is demanding to be x-ray’d.
Well, this could take awhile and it’s almost time for the award show to start so I am going to have to make my way inside.
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ReplyDeleteTurning towards the north side of the bar we see the Band/VIP area behind the chicken wire. On the south side of the bar is a large board where memorials to past bar members are posted.
I’m now moving towards the east side of the bar where a stage for tonight’s ceremony has been set up. You’ll notice there is a stool set up in the northeast corner with a dunce cap sitting on it. The stool is a new add at the EB and is reserved for the person who posts the “Worst Post of the Week”.
Anyway, as I look out across the bar, I see we’ve got a pretty full house. Many of the people here tonight are sporting Looters T-Shirts. Sporty T’s in red, orange , and black colors, with a pirate’s image heat stamped under the message
Chaos
Confusion
Destruction.
My Job Is Done Here
A few others are wearing Producers T’s in blue and white with lettering that state Producers Rock. Both T’s can be purchased at the bar if you are interested. They are down by the white T’s used for the wet-T-shirt contests.
It appears most of the regulars are in their seats now. Rufus is at a table with rat. He’s wearing a John Deere cap and wearing his Looters T. He seems to be enjoying himself drinking from what appears to be a peanut butter jar with some clear liquid in it. Rat is wearing his iconic Pancho Villa hat and appears to be sipping tequila. There is a sack on the floor next to him that occasionally appears to hop?
I see Doug at the bar talking to Danica and sipping on his pina colada. hope Rufus doesn't notice. And Gnossos is at a table near Ruf and rat. He’s surrounded by model quality chicks, a blond, a brunette, a redhead, and a young one (maybe too young?) with spike hair in black and blue with crimson tips.
“Hey, Gnossos, I’ll see you at the after-party.” (Always liked that guy.)
They’ve removed the mechanical bull and the cage used for the extreme fighting matches in order to provide more room for the awards ceremony and extra tables have been brought in. Not to be redundant but the place looks pretty damn good.
Deuce is now entering the bar. He’s wearing a tux and a dress cape with red lining. Not a look many men could pull off. But the guy looks marvelous. He gets a big hand from the patrons as he makes his way over to the long-bar to talk to the girls and check on the till.
Well, now that the Big Guy is here it’s about time we got this show on the road.
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ReplyDeleteWait a minute. Damn.
Now I’m hearing there is some other kind of ruckus at the side entrance. Whit’s behind the bar now and indicates he is hooking up the surveillance camera so that it can be viewed on one of the big screen TV’s. Oh there it is now.
It appears the security detail has grabbed some guy trying to sneak in the side entrance in a Mr. Potato Head suit. He’s carrying a sign that says “Ash Potatoes ‘Hearts’ Barack Obama”. He is evidently saying that he only wanted to shake Obama’s hand, but the security guards don’t seem to be buying his story as they are pummeling him mercilessly. Luckily, the potato head suit appears well padded and it doesn’t look like the guy is being hurt.
Now I’m being told that his papers say he is Canadian. Evidently, he will be held until TSA and Homeland Security arrive. We will keep you advised as to how this all turns out.
But now, back to the program.
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ReplyDeleteThe Elephant Bar’s 1st Annual Bosco Awards
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ReplyDeleteWelcome friends to the 1st Annual Elephant Bar Bosco Awards.
We are still getting feeds to the big screen TV’s from the x-ray machine out front and it seems like there is still a big crowd trying to get x-ray’d. Sam is still swamped over at the secondary pat down area. But it’s getting late and we have to start the show.
These awards recognize exceptional blogging for the year 2010, much of the best work done while fully intoxicated. The Award itself is in the form of a 10” tall bear, cute as a button. It would look good on anyone’s mantle, bookcase , or trophy shelf.
The Master of Ceremonies for tonight’s event will be …well…it’s me, Quirk.
Since this is the first Bosco Awards ceremony I will take a few minutes to take care of a little housekeeping and try to explain how the ceremony was organized.
The accounting firm of Quirk and Sons, L.L.P.C. has been holding the award results in their secret office on Blackhawk Island. Their representative presented me with the results of the awards earlier today.
The votes on the blog posts were judged by an independent committee consisting of me.
(I should point out that when I suggested the idea for the Boscos back in April of this year, the idea was met with almost universal indifference. Since that time the indifference has continued if not grown. In addition, some have threatened to boycott, there has been increasing scorn, and objections have been raised against the presumption of such an idea. There have also been threats of lawsuits and death. I am asked not to discuss the latter due to the ongoing criminal investigation. At any rate, the judging and the awards ceremony itself has been pretty much a one man show; however, there have been occasions throughout the year when one poster or another in commenting on another poster’s contribution indicated that a particular post should be considered for a Bosco Award. I can pretty much guarantee you that in all those instances the suggestion was followed.)
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ReplyDeleteI should at this point also tell you what is not included tonight.
1. Our month’s long research shows that the following topics were the most talked about this year:
• The Middle East, Israel and Palestine
• Obama, his wife, and administration
• The Elections
• Politicians and Pundits as Dicks
• Peak Oil/Ethanol/Alternative Energy
• Afghanistan
• China
• Pakistan
• Turkey
• BP Oil Spill
• Religion
Posts on these subjects were heated and took up a good portion of the total blog space. The problem was that they were all so damn good. The points and counterpoints were all concise, pointed, logical and articulate. Each poster brought his A-game to the debate. And while it was obvious that one side or the other had to be right, we where judging the quality of the posts not the specific subject matter. The end result? It was impossible to pick a winner. So we didn’t.
2. Any post by Anonymous was obviously not considered. Since there are so many Anonymi it is impossible to judge who said what. In the words of one of our posters, “We got an awful lot of Anonymouses on this Blog.” Well said.
3. The posts by one specific author were also not included at his request. He additionally requested that he not be mentioned at all since any participation on his part could be construed as support for the person putting this program together. Naturally, we have reluctantly bent to his request and allowed him to maintain his dignity.
4. No employees of Souls-R-Us or of their affiliates, subsidiaries, agents, representatives, joint ventures, marketing agents, or the families or friends of these employees, agents, or firms may be considered eligible for Bosco Award nominations.
5. Lastly, we have disqualified some of the extended interchanges that were posted. Many of these involved a number of posters in an extended discussion of one subject or another. They tended to occur mostly on Friday’s or late at night. Many were clever and some extremely funny. Unfortunately, we had to disqualify them because they often involved people disqualified for reasons noted above or the fact that those people may have been referenced. Where this problem didn’t apply, it still would have been difficult to pull individual posts from the stream as this would have spoiled the continuity. Truly unfortunate, but there you have it.
Taking these exceptions excluded approximately 80% of the total posts at the EB this year. These exceptions helped a lot since it still left thousands of posts to review.
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ReplyDeleteOne special note.
Since the bar in toto decided to ignore the idea of the awards program most of the awards have already been determined by the independent judging committee. However, there is one category that the bar can participate in if they so choose. That category is for the EB Song of the Year, awarded to the song that best reflects the spirit of the EB. A number of songs nominated by the independent committee will be played throughout the program. You can vote throughout the program for your favorite and after the last commercial break, the winner will be announced.
Our law firm, Quirk, Quirk, Quirk, and Quirk L.L.P.C., has asked that I make the following announcement.
If there is a tie in votes on the Song of the Year, the tie will be broken by the Master of Ceremonies. If there are no votes, the winner will be determined by the independent committee. If there is any question whatsoever regarding the final result, the votes will be recounted assigning one vote to each poster who participates and “one exceedingly large” vote to Quirk.
You may also notice that occasionally screen names will be “bleeped”. This is intended to protect the innocent (or as close as we come to innocent here at the EB). Although, major subject matter categories have been eliminated as noted above; there will be occasional posts that have what we determined to have special value over and above their argumentative value. This could include their intrinsic wit, style, word structure, or any other aspect that might make them unique.
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ReplyDeleteThe lawyers also requested that I ask that because of the length of our program any acceptance speeches you choose to give be at most 4,096 characters.
The lawyers have also stated that in anticipation of lawsuits from tonight’s show they want to remind all attending or watching this show that claims of libel and slander are especially hard to prove and that we have a crack team of criminal and civil lawyers on alert ready to defend Souls-R-Us and its employees against any suits that may be brought.
Just saying.
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ReplyDeleteFinally, let me comment on the refreshments for tonight’s event .
Unfortunately, our resources were very limited this year since I received absolutely no support whatsoever, no offers of assistance, no contributions of time or money, no…
Well, anyway there are a few bags of Bugles over there and some Mike’s Hard Lemonade in that barrel by the wall. Yeah, the one with the ice in it. We have two kinds of Bugles, the ‘Smokin Barbeque’ and the ‘Original’ (they are all natural and vegetarian). The Kroger’s down the street also chipped in four cases of Whipped Lightning alcohol infused whipped cream that was nearing its expiration date. And for the ladies we were able to scrounge up a case of ‘blackout in a can’, Four Loko that was made before they started taking the caffeine out. Costco kicked in a ton of paper plates and napkins. As for the rest it’s a cash bar.
I bought a one bottle of Remi Martin. However, since there is only one bottle, it will be reserved for the Master of Ceremonies, the Independent Committee, and the representative of our Accounting and Legal Firms. I wrote my name on the bottle so please respect. I also have an almost full forty ounce bottle of absinthe I picked up at the duty free shop coming out of Canada. I’m bringing it to the after-party if any of the ladies are interested.
By the way, the after-party will be held at the VFW Hall about two miles down the interstate on the right hand side. Evidently, the VFW Hall is also a notorious blind pig. [H/T to Rufus. He found this out while visiting the VA hospital in Mississippi when he popped in for some drugs.]
Ok, so that takes care of the housekeeping.
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ReplyDeleteLet’s take a brief commercial break and then get on to the awards ceremony.
Bud Light Commercial
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ReplyDeleteWelcome back folks.
Welcome to the first annual Bosco Awards. A reminiscence and retrospective of the efforts put forth here at the Elephant Bar. And what can one say of the Elephant Bar itself? Well, here’s what a few have said.
Gag Reflex said...
The Elephant Bar, where contentious folk gather!
Wed Jun 02, 03:30:00 PM EDT
Stella B. Starlight said...
Those elephants are sexy.
Tue Oct 05, 03:09:00 PM EDT
Anonymous said...
Good Morning!!! 2164th.blogspot.com is one of the most excellent resourceful websites of its kind. I enjoy reading it every day. All the best.
Wed Dec 16, 02:37:00 PM EST
Mr Casinos said...
Great and really wonderful. i found this site really awesome.
Mon Aug 23, 04:01:00 AM EDT
And from the Boss
Deuce said...
No one will ever accuse us of caution.
Tue Jul 20, 08:53:00 AM EDT
To which Rufus replies
rufus said...
Yeah, if "Trojan" had to depend on this bunch they'd be out of business in a month. :)
Tue Jul 20, 08:58:00 AM EDT
And finally from Whit
whit said..
Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional: Punctuation Saves Lives
Tue Aug 10, 08:50:00 PM EDT
True, that last one doesn’t really apply but then Whit is always going off topic.
Well to sum it up in the words of Deuce
Deuce said...
Just do it Willie. At the EB we seek no quarter and offer none. No icon is too tall to be whacked and no earth so sacred to not be scorched with some degree of regularity.
Give us you wrinkled, your scarred, your swollen knuckled masses of kicked asses. Always welcomed at the bar that never closes.
Tue Jun 22, 05:42:00 AM EDT
Well, I guess we can all agree that's the EB.
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ReplyDeleteNow, on with the show.
To start the program off tonight we are going to play the first of four songs nominated as EB Song of the Year.
Again remember, if you elect to vote later in the program, the Song of the Year is meant to reflect the spirit of the EB. Some have suggested that the nominated songs should have a more martial or conflict-orientated theme (Flight of the Valkyries or The 1812 Overture for instance); however, the committee chose to go for songs that portray the underlying ambiance of the bar.
With this in mind, tonight’s first nominated song is: “So Much Cooler on Line” by Brad Paisley.
So Much Cooler on Line
All right, great way to get us started off tonight. Thanks Brad.
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ReplyDeleteBefore the next award I want to send out a big welcome to everyone in the Dick’s Section. I wanted to give a little shout out to you guys, Paul Krugman, Maureen Dowd, Keith Olbermann, Bill O’Reilly, Glenn Beck, Bill Kristol, everyone over there.
“Yo guys. Drink up and enjoy!”
Oh my. I notice things seem to be getting a little wild over there. Nancy Pelosi evidently started drinking early tonight. She’s giggling and appears to be trying to wrestle Harry Reid’s tie off. Rachel Maddow is blatantly flirting with Selah who is at a table on the other side of the bar. I don’t know who the lady sitting with Selah is but she is definitely getting pissed. And Glenn Beck is crying like a baby.
Now one of the Barbarian security guards is trying to get one of the regulars to back off. It looks like… yeah it’s Trish. Looks like she’s trying to force her way in so she can get Andrew Sullivan’s autograph. Sullivan looks a little nervous but he’s smiling.
“Hey, Trish, keep it down, I’m trying to put on a show here.“
“Naw, just kidding. Enjoy yourself. That’s what we’re here for.”
That little minx.
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ReplyDeleteThe next award will..
Excuse me folks, we need to pause one minute. The band is starting up “Hail to the Chief” and Barack Obama is now entering the bar. All rise to greet the President as he is led to his seat in the VIP Section by Stevie Wonder. This is causing a little confusion since someone usually has to help Stevie get to his seat. Quite a bit of damage is occurring as he keeps tripping over tables and spilling drinks. Whit’s over there now and is leading the president to his seat.
Stevie now has hold of Oprah’s right boob and she is trying to fend him off. Pee Wee Herman is trying to help.
I just overheard Lebron James say, “Stevie, you are one crazy dude. Man, wierd stuff.”
Whit is now shooing Tareq Salahi out of Obama’s seat while Michaele Salahi is asking a security guard to take here picture posing with Paul McCartney. Oprah’s seated now and things seem to be calming down. However, Stevie Wonder is still over talking to the wooden cigar store Indian Deuce installed near the bar entrance.
“Hey, can one of you guys help Stevie get to his seat? Thank you. Yes. Thank you. And get Stevie something to drink. Thanks.”
“And thank you rat.” I should have mentioned when I said band I meant rat. One of the guys at the Souls-R-Us Army/Navy Store located one of those trumpets with the recording devise that the military use for funerals. Rat was kind enough to help us out by flipping the switch and holding it to his mouth. Looked pretty damn professional too. Good job. [H/T to the rat]
Well, now that things are settled down I guess we can resume.
“Well, Mr. President nice of you to make it. Next time, let’s try to get here on time.”
“Heh. Heh. Just kidding sir. It was kind of you to fit us into your schedule. This is quite an honor. Say waiter, run next door and get the President a hamburger. It’s on me. We got your back Mr. President.”
“What a great guy.”
“Hey, cut it out you guys. Settle down. They’re just kidding Mr. President. We all love you here at the EB.”
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ReplyDeleteAll right our next awards group includes categories where many of the award nominees were unable to attend tonight’s show. Therefore, the Committee held a pot-luck luncheon this afternoon to honor those nominees.
The first award in this group is for Best Foreign Language Post. The nominees are
1. Gag Reflex for: “Qu'ils mangent de la brioche”
Translation (French to English): “Let them eat cake.”
2. 咪摩兔 for:
咪摩兔 said...
信貸
代書
融資
週轉
汽車借款
Fri Oct 15, 11:13:00 PM EDT
Translation (Chinese to English): “Amy said ... Mount rabbit financing revolving credit car loans scrivener.”
3. Trish for:
trish said...
"I have my opinion on Iran; you have yours."
I thought maybe, just maybe, the rough measurement of "so little" came from some visibility on the matter.
But, since here we are dealing merely in opinions, the very extent to which current goings-on - hardly a revolution but somewhat protracted turmoil, say - are not associated with us, with the Israelis, with the Sauds, is a very good thing. For this reason - along with the relative ease of abandoning any particular program, with no one the wiser, should it be headed south - covert operations were invented.
It would kinda spoil everything if the world were truly privy to the sources and amount of involvement, if any.
Thu Feb 11, 06:05:00 PM EST
Translation (Trish to Normal English): Plausible deniability is a good thing. [We think]
4. The last quote also comes from
Trish for: “Quirk! Es tut mir leid!”
Translation (German to English): “Quirk, I’m sorry.”
By unanimous decision the committee awards the “Best Foreign Language Post” Award to Gag Reflex. (Though, there is still some confusion as to whether the phrase means “Let them eat cake” or “Let them eat pot” either version seems to work.)
Our winner:
Gag Reflex said...
Qu'ils mangent de la brioche
Fri Aug 06, 05:32:00 PM EDT
Accepting for Gag Reflex is a Jerry Lewis impersonator.
Trish’s nomination for “Quirk! Es tut mir leid!” really had little chance of winning but I just really like hearing her say it.
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ReplyDeleteThe next Bosco is for EB Beauty Queen Award. The nominees were all the header ladies posted by Deuce and Mel on the monthly horoscopes.
This years Miss Elephant Bar is
Miss Cancer
The Miss Congeniality Award went to
Miss Capricorn
Two truly beautiful ladies. It’s a shame neither can be here tonight to help us celebrate.
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ReplyDelete(Sam continued...)
sam said...
Human Ventriloquist
Thu Sep 30, 01:15:00 AM EDT
Sam said...
Hotel Room Security
Mon May 24, 12:09:00 AM EDT
Sam said...
Wrong Hole
Thu Apr 29, 09:30:00 PM EDT
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ReplyDelete(Sam continued...)
The few posts are just a sample of Sam’s best work. There are dozens more including
‘How To Get A Cork Out’
‘F-18’
‘Fighter Planes’
‘Ornithopter’
‘Spider on Drugs’
‘Battle of Derepet’
‘Saw Stops’
‘Sport Jumps’
‘Drummer’
‘Personal Mobility Device’
They just go on and on.
And my personal favorite and tonight’s winner
Sam said...
WolframAlpha Intro
WolframAlpha Site
Tue Jun 08, 02:32:00 AM EDT
“Good work Sam. Let’s try to make it a twofer in 2011. “
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ReplyDeleteWhenever a vote is taken at the EB, the following post has always garnered a lot of applause. The Bosco for the Better Safe Than Sorry Award award goes to everyone who has ever written one of these
Comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
Sat May 29, 03:55:00 PM EDT
Now, our last award at today’s luncheon was presented to Deuce for his continuing brilliance in bringing stellar artwork to enhance the posts here at the Elephant Bar. It was a difficult choice because of the magnitude of fine art Deuce has posted this year. That being said, our choice for this year’s Bosco for Best Art of the Year is awarded to
Why is it so Damn Hot? Elephants in the Desert
Beautiful.
Well, we are going to take a quick commercial break and be back in a moment.
Four Banned Commercials
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ReplyDeleteOk, we’re back and I notice that what appear to be TSA guys have the guy in the Mr. Potato Head suit in cuffs and they’re talking to Deuce at the bar. Deuce is now gesturing to the ‘time out’ seat with the dunce’s cap over here in the corner, and after a brief discussion, one of the TSA guys is taking the head off the costume.
Damn. It’s Ash. Who woulda thunk it?
They are uncuffing and releasing Ash and it looks like his first priority is to get a drink. He’s heading for the bar.
I gotta say it, “I love this bar.”
You people are crazy. Bat-fuck crazy.
“Hey, Melody."
"I’ve been watching you. Saves some of those Bugles for the rest of us."
"Heh. Heh."
"Just kidding. Just kidding. Bon Appetit. Knock yourself out.”
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ReplyDeleteWell, it’s time for our second “Song of the Year” nominee.
And the second nominee is”
I Love This Bar (sung by Toby Keith)
Thanks Toby. That was Great.
Give em a hand folks.
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ReplyDeleteWell guys, as you know people take this blog pretty seriously. Sometimes the debate gets a little heated. Words are thrown about that probably shouldn’t be. Sometimes there are even instances of profanity. Because of the freewheeling open aspect of the bar these remarks are rarely censored.
Therefore, we have taken on the responsibility of rewarding those who rise above the crass verbiage. People who have the ability to rise above the vulgarity and express their disagreements in acceptable language.
This year, there are duel recipients of the Boscos for the Best Put-Down Without Resorting to Profanity Ex-f’n award. It goes to Rufus and Doug for the following posts:
Rufus
rufus said...
f'n doo-doo head
Mon Apr 05, 02:32:00 PM EDT
Doug
Doug said...
f'n running dog socialist!
Way to go guys. Thanks for adding a little class to the old EB.
Why don’t you come up and get your awards?
Whoops. It looks like Rufus is momentarily passed out. And as I’m looking at Doug he’s still talking to Danica and doesn’t seem to realize he has won this prestigious award.
We’ll have to get the guys their awards later.
I notice rat just slipped something green back into his sack. We’ll be keeping an eye on him tonight.
Especially after this
desert rat said...
You got stuff?
Want to share?
Mon May 24, 11:09:00 PM EDT
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ReplyDeleteOn with the ceremony, and surprisingly, Rufus and Doug also share the Bosco Retrograde Award for the following subsequent posts:
rufus said...
Fuck Luke. Fuck Seven Sins, and Fuck Seven Devils. Fuck Childrens Fairy Tales, and those that would use them to get My Kids Killed.
Those Afghanis don't give a good goddamned what we do. They are Not our Friends, and they are NOT our Enemies. They are poor people that mostly never get more than 7 miles from their village.
Why in the Fuck should we want to kill children in Kandahar? Why in the Fuck are we guarding poppy farms? Why in the Fuck do we let the Elitist Cocksuckers do this to us?
Oh yeah, I forgot; They read us a "Bible Verse."
FUCK
Sun Jul 18, 08:12:00 AM EDT
And Doug said
Doug said...
FUCK YOU, MORON!
Fri Jan 22, 02:05:00 PM EST
Running out of the money but in a close third in the balloting was Sam for this contribution.
sam said...
Fuck.
Thu Nov 04, 11:41:00 PM EDT
Commendable guys. I guess.
Waiter, could you take these awards and get them over to the guys? Thanks.
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ReplyDeleteNow in rapid order we wish to announce the following awards:
The Bosco for Best Contribution to the English Language Award goes to Trish for the phrase “Masturbatory Malice”.
trish said...
Which do you think is more effective, (bleep), in the art of persuasion? Unctuous condescension, sneering contempt, or savage abruptness? (We'll leave out masturbatory malice because it's not really an approach per se, is it? Rather a form of self-amusement, as (bleep) will attest.)
I'm conducting a survey.
Tue Apr 20, 07:16:00 PM EDT
The award recognizes not only the implied meaning of the idiom but also the coining of a new word, “masturbatory”.
Good work Trish.
(Note: Some at the EB have objected to this award on the basis that masturbatory is a derivation of the Latin word masturbe which actually finds its provenance in the ancient Hebrew word jerkmeoff,. Research has failed to prove this etymology and the award will stand.)
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ReplyDeleteThe next Bosco is for The Eternal Question Award. This year’s winner is Whit for this brilliant contribution:
whit said...
Who am I? Why am I here?
Tue Jul 27, 08:59:00 PM EDT
All right Whit. Yea, show him the love folks.
Good job Whit.
The next award is The Most Insightful Observation Award. This year’s winner is Melody for this most insightful observation:
MeLoDy said...
Universal truth #3
"There is great need for sarcasm font."
Thu Jun 03, 12:04:00 PM EDT
All right Melody! We need to give you an extra three stars for that one Mel.
Excellent.
Hey, I was kidding before, but now lay of those Bugles!
Crazy chick.
(But what a body eh guys. Woof!).
Let’s give her a hand.
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ReplyDeleteSpeaking of insight. I am proud to award a new Bosco this year for a category called the Mensa award.
As you know many people consider the regulars at the EB to be nothing more than an oddball collection of mercs, marauders, ex-service hard cases, men of mystery (well at least one), chicks, and demimondes. We get no respect. Well we have welcome a new member to our little congregation who has changed all that.
This summer we welcomed The Cleaning Lady to our little group. She is being awarded the Bosco for this erudite post.
The Cleaning Lady said...
From the Baja Arizona link above:
“It is the job of government to manage the flow of money.”
The above statement is one formulation of Lester Thurow's Third Way theme postulating a more aggressive role for government in free market capitalism.
The article continues:
We have done a really poor job of managing the flow of money in our country. It concentrated into Wall Street schemes. It flowed overseas. It went everywhere expect in creating employment here in America.
It seems to me that (real) enforcement - as opposed to the cozy incestuous relationship that currently exists between the doers and the regulators - would do a lot to 'manage the flow of money.'
Actually it isn’t the “government” that is the source of the misdirected money flow…it is the special interests who manipulate the government for their private gain without any regard for the broader societal benefits.
This is where the Third Way thinking goes off the rails - every time, I might add, that Third Ways are proposed. This is the essence of an emerging theory going under the label of Creative Capitalism (google Bill Gates).
'Broader societal benefits' as a corporate objective. Doesn't much matter whether or not it works - or makes sense. The Third Way is coming.
The author goes on to suggest vision statements and win-win agendas to define 'social agendas' that escape the death trap of socialist labeling.
I agree with his concluding statements:
Republicans don’t have a positive agenda here.
But neither do the Democrats.
I would add neither does the Tea Party movement - without an intellectual foundation to give defined substance to the rebellion, it will remain nothing but a knee-jerk reaction to status quo policies.
Wed Sep 08, 09:14:00 PM EDT
As whit correctly states,
whit said...
Nice observations, Cleaning Lady. We haven't had enough thoughtful discourse in the bar, lately.
Re: Third way. The country is sharply divided and high-powered emotions swing the pendulum widely.
Sat Sep 04, 05:00:00 PM EDT
Exactly.
Good job Cleaning Lady. Thanks for raising the level of discourse here at the EB. Have to admit it’s way above my head but I doubt them jerks from Pajamas Media, Ballon Juice and The Belmont Club will be coming around here soon casting aspersions with you on our team.
Booyah.
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ReplyDeleteWell, unfortunately, I have to announce that we will not be awarding the To Lazy to Link Award this year. As you know, the award was initially meant to recognize Trish’s lack of contribution in the link area; however, this year there were just too many nominees with basically the same qualifications.
I should also mention that this year’s Best Urban Fly Fisherman award will also not be awarded.
We can, however, show you some of the posts that would not have been considered even if we had awarded that Bosco.
From Rufus,
rufus said...
"The only reason Clan Rufii uses bait is dynamite is too expensive."
Sun Aug 01, 04:24:00 PM EDT
From linearthinker,
linearthinker said...
"Why I bait fish."
From the link:
Ok this post is for all the hippie fly fishers out there that are to stoned to realize what a real women is. Everyone knows that real women fish bait!!
...and a bit farther down, below the eye candy...
Truckee River Outfitters closing its doors...since most people in Truckee use bait there is no need for a fly fishing shop...When your entire customer base consists of stoned hippies how do you expect to have competent fisherman to buy anything?
Sun Aug 01, 03:59:00 PM EDT
linearthinker said...
Yes, Quirk. For the riffraff who need some assistance:
...scrolling down at the same link:
Jesus used bait!!
Sun Aug 01, 04:10:00 PM EDT
Good posts guys.
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ReplyDeleteMoving on, this year’s Uh Huh. Right award again goes to Rufus for this gem:
rufus said...
"I shudder to do this, but I'm going to venture another opinion."
“Shudder to do this?”
Uh huh. Right.
Good job Ruf.
You had us going there for a minute with that one.
This year’s So’s Your Mother Award goes to rat for:
desert rat said...
"I have friends who have roped bears, from horse back, in the Tonto Basin.
Bring 'em on…"
Wed Apr 07, 02:45:00 PM EDT
Impressive and scary at the same time. Thank you rat.
The You Guys Give Me A Headache Award goes to Whit for:
whit said...
"Obstreperous truculence at the EB: that is the new normal."
Tue Apr 06, 05:35:00 PM EDT
Another great effort Whit. Thanks.
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ReplyDeleteThe Bosco for the When the Worm Turns Award goes to that sophisticated Cleaning Lady for this gem.
The Cleaning Lady said...
Broke into the wrong goddam rec room
Manana
Wed Oct 20, 04:03:00 PM EDT
And the Cleaning Lady also rakes in the Bosco for the Meeeoww! award for this one
The Cleaning Lady said...<
Three guys do lunch. Shit-for-brains, Dweeb-boy and Fatso have a great time. Three girls do lunch and Betty, Sue, and Mary have a nice chat.
The $40 check arrives. The three guys each throw down a $20 and walk out. The girls whip out their calculators.
This gal, Heidi doesn't do it for me. Looks like a souped-up stretched-out steroidal version of Brittany Spears, Jessica Simpson and Pamela Sue, with a little pouty LiLo thrown in. She's no Catherine Zeta Jones or Halle Barry or Harris Faulkner (CNN info babe) let alone Liz Taylor when she was young.
And I say that as a straight person.
IIRC.
Thu Sep 16, 03:05:00 PM EDT
Good work Cleaning Lady.
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ReplyDeleteAnd for another EB beauty, the Bosco for the Slip Sliding Away award goes to our own Ms. Stella B. Starlight for this one.
Stella B. Starlight said...
"Today, Barack Obama slipped into something more comfortable, Afghanistan, instead of Michelle."
Let’s give her a hand folks. We don’t see her in the bar nearly enough.
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ReplyDeleteWe thought it was important to recognize the singular contribution of many of posters as they offered up “Great Thoughts” over the past year. So we have established a special awards category called the TAO Award.
This year’s Toa Awards
The “Tao of Doug” award goes to …well…to Doug for:
Doug said...
"You guys disgust me:
The way forward is obvious -
Sandmonkeys in Space,
Followed by Towellheads on Mars."
Tue Jul 06, 07:47:00 AM EDT
Keep em coming Doug.
The “Tao of Trish” award goes to Trish for:
trish said...
"Still wandering, aimlessly, around, sniveling, and snuffling, I see."
"Someone needs a comma intervention."
Mon Jul 05, 04:14:00 PM EDT
Special thanks to the comma lady.
Give her a hand.
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ReplyDeleteThe Toa of LT award goes to LT for,
linearthinker said...
Narcissism, alcohol, and presumably a missed dosage of lithium.
There's a volatile combination.
Sat Jul 31, 08:22:00 PM EDT
Good job. Another poster we don’t see around the old bar enough.
The Tao of Selah award goes to Selah for,
Teresita said...
"I Refudiate Barack Obama's contention that there are 57 States."
Sun Jul 25, 06:23:00 PM EDT
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ReplyDeleteThe Tao for … Whoa, wait a minute.
Sorry folks. We are going to have to break off the Tao Awards at this point. It appears they are losing control over in the V.I.P. section. Oprah Winfrey looks drunk as a skunk and is sitting on the President’s lap. Obama has one hand holding a Heineken and the other on Oprah’s ass. He’s smiling like crazy and occasionally giggling. Security is also stepping in to break up what could turn into a fight between Pee Wee Herman and Lebron James. Pee Wee looks really ticked and is motioning for Lebron to bring it on.
Tareq Salali is watching the exchange and doesn’t seem to notice that Robert Gibbs is hitting on his wife.
Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney have an a capella version of Ebony and Ivory going but it looks like they are motioning for rat to come join them with his trumpet.
It may take a while to restore orders folk, so why don’t we cut to our third nominated song for EB Song of the Year and then cut directly to commercial.
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ReplyDeleteThis year’s third nominated song is
Hotel California by the Eagles.
Those boys can crank it out.
Back in a moment.
Commercial:
Satisfaction
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ReplyDeleteAll right folks, we’re back and things seem to have settled down over in the VIP section, although I see Robert Gibbs and Michaele Salahi are missing. Damn, over in the Dick’s Section, it looks like Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid also have gone AWOL. At this rate, we won’t have any audience left.
Well, anyway our next award will be presented by Nobel Prize winning economist Paul Krugman.
He will be presenting the Bosco for Economic Genius award to Rufus for this economic series of posts.
1. The “What Me Worry” Series
rufus said...
"They "might" be able to bring this puppy in at -$990 Billion. I'm not betting on it, but it's "possible."
Mon Apr 12, 02:44:00 PM EDT
rufus said...
"In fact, it might be quite a bit less than that. April is the biggie. Absolutely no idea how April (the month we normally run a pretty good surplus - except last year - will come in.)"
Mon Apr 12, 04:00:00 PM EDT
rufus said...
"Po ol' Rufus. They tol him how stoopid he wuz when he said the Budget Deficit might come in under a Trilyun, insted a that 1.5T they wuz all talkin about."
"Gotch'er $1.5T right'cher young'uns. "
Mon Apr 12, 04:05:00 PM EDT
rufus said...
"Where'd everbody go? Did they all go home? Don' wanna play no more?"
Mon Apr 12, 04:08:00 PM EDT
Classic Rufus. But it doesn’t stop there.
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ReplyDelete1. The Assumed Ladder Series
rufus said...
The Deficit will be Huge. It will be well over a Trillion Dollars. It Won't be $1.47 Trillion. Not that it matters; It's still Huge.
Interesting question: How do you "fix" it? Really?
Better question: How do you get it down to a manageable 2% of GDP?
Will all of this work out just like I'm saying? Of course not. Our economy is much too complex, and dynamic for such simple analysis. However, this goes to show that we're Not looking at the intractable, systemic problems that should make you go looking for a tall building. Our problems are manageable.
Some, however, are much more serious than this one. The budget deficit is, actually, the Easiest problem we are facing.
Basically, you have to chop a $Trillion. Hmm. First, what happens if we can get back to 5% unemployment? 8 Million people back to work would pay about, oh, I don't know, let's say $400 Billion.
That puts us down to $600 Billion shortfall to overcome. Cancel out the Police Action in Iraq, and the whatever it is in Afghanistan - Probable Savings $200 Billion. We're down to $400 Billion.
Raise top rate to 39% - Approx increase in Revenues $500 Billion. Oops, we just overshot our mark by $100 Billion. Tweak Soc Sec by comb. of raising age of max benefits a couple of years, raising the max income SS Taxes are paid on, and indexing to inflation, rather than wages. Savings approx $100 Billion/Yr.
These actions recoup $1.2 Trillion Dollars, and would leave us with a Deficit of approx 1%, or a little less, of GDP - Basically, a "balanced budget."
Sun Jul 25, 10:38:00 AM EDT
And there you have it folks. No problem. The Classic Rufus we all know and love.
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ReplyDeleteTrish once said, “You can’t use the archives to… Well, you just can’t”
Well, as you see we just did. Once in cyberspace always in cyberspace.
But we can’t leave ol Ruf hanging. Therefore, we are also awarding him the Bosco for the Now You’re Talking award for The Plan.
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ReplyDeleterufus said...
I have an idea sloshing around in the back of my head that I can't shake. It brought me wide awake after only a couple of hours of sleep. It's been "bothering" me for several weeks, now.
I'm going to call it "The Plan." It excites me, but it "worries" me. Am I going to have to, actually, do something about it? What? It's going to be a huge "pain in the ass" if I do. It has the potential of completely screwing up a "peaceful" retirement.
I think I'll kind of work out a few of my thoughts, here, over the next few weeks, months, whatever. Bear with me. I know you are all Expert "Scrollers," so feel free to "Scroll away."
"The Plan"
To show that Tunica County, Ms. can become Entirely Energy Self-Sufficient. To lay out a groundwork for producing 100% of the Fuel Transportation, and Electricity the County needs, locally, and without using any finite fossil fuel supplies.
Also, "The Plan" is intended to "Lower" the costs of energy for the County, while providing many good-paying jobs, and, within 10, or so, years culminating in utility bills at least 50% lower than today.
"The Plan" will utilize Wind Power, Solar Power, and Biomass to produce Ethanol, and Bio-Diesel. It will have to pass "Real World" Tests. The Costs will have to be In-line with "Established" Industry Standards, and the ideas will have to be "Implementable" in the "Real World”…
…With Deuce's indulgence I'll pick this up a little later. I'm going to go for a drive.
Wed Nov 24, 02:31:00 AM EST
Alright Rufus come on up and collect this hardware. You’ve got a flock of bears here.
“Come on up Ruf… Hey, will someone kick that guy. Aw, never mind. Let him sleep.”
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