"Where'd everbody go? Did they all go home? Don' wanna play no more?"
Part 4 – 2010 Bosco Awards
Archived material cannot be used for the purpose of...
Well, it just can't.
Well, it just can't.
Well, as you see, we just did. Once it’s launched into cyberspace it’s always in cyberspace.
But we can’t leave ol Ruf hanging. Therefore, we are also awarding him the Bosco for the Now You’re Talking award for The Plan.
rufus said...
I have an idea sloshing around in the back of my head that I can't shake. It brought me wide awake after only a couple of hours of sleep. It's been "bothering" me for several weeks, now.
I'm going to call it "The Plan." It excites me, but it "worries" me. Am I going to have to, actually, do something about it? What? It's going to be a huge "pain in the ass" if I do. It has the potential of completely screwing up a "peaceful" retirement.
I think I'll kind of work out a few of my thoughts, here, over the next few weeks, months, whatever. Bear with me. I know you are all Expert "Scrollers," so feel free to "Scroll away."
"The Plan"
To show that Tunica County, Ms. can become Entirely Energy Self-Sufficient. To lay out a groundwork for producing 100% of the Fuel Transportation, and Electricity the County needs, locally, and without using any finite fossil fuel supplies.
Also, "The Plan" is intended to "Lower" the costs of energy for the County, while providing many good-paying jobs, and, within 10, or so, years culminating in utility bills at least 50% lower than today.
"The Plan" will utilize Wind Power, Solar Power, and Biomass to produce Ethanol, and Bio-Diesel. It will have to pass "Real World" Tests. The Costs will have to be In-line with "Established" Industry Standards, and the ideas will have to be "Implementable" in the "Real World”…
…With Deuce's indulgence I'll pick this up a little later. I'm going to go for a drive.
Wed Nov 24, 02:31:00 AM EST
Finally, someone in this damn place that has a plan and has decided to act on it. Let’s give him a hand folks.
Alright Rufus come on up and collect this hardware. You’ve got a flock of bears here.
“Come on up Ruf… Hey, will someone kick that guy. Aw, never mind. Let him sleep.”
Hey, let’s keep that same spirit of camaraderie going with our next Bosco.
All right, the next Bosco is for the More Than We Needed To Know award. This year’s award goes to our favorite expat in the country down under, that prodigious poster of sometimes interesting stuff, that raging metrosexual, Sam the Man.
This year’s award will be presented by the stars of the hit show “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”.
He receives this year’s award for the following two gems:
Sam said...
:)
"Pretty tame video. Never waxed down there but I do shave regularly every 2 months."
Tue Jan 12, 10:12:00 PM EST
and
Sam said...
"Well, I should say I use #1 on my nuts and #3 on the rest. I'll take the #3 part down to #2 next time."
Tue Jan 12, 10:24:00 PM EST
Steller performance. Thank you Sam.
In addition to the award, we are going to have a special guest star, Miss Katy Perry, sing a song she composed specifically for this award.
Great stuff Sam. It’s a brave new world out there and you are definitely in the vanguard leading the charge.
And hey, if the chicks like it who can complain?
Speaking of which, there’s this post from that swinging Pennsylvania chick, Melody.
MeLoDy said...
"Although, I like my men strong and aggressive, I have a soft spot for those who dabble a little in being metro sexual."
Sat Aug 21, 11:00:00 PM EDT
Nuff said.
Wouldn’t mind seeing that soft spot myself.
Speaking of Melody, how about this one?
MeLoDy said...
"I stood in front of the mirror, my golden brown body sun kissed from the day before, staring back at me, wondering whether I should wait till morning. I waited. With the shades drawn tight not letting any sun in and my clock still flashing red numbers from the power outage days before, I opened my eyes and couldn't tell what time of the day it was. I stepped out of the air conditioned room only to find it being too early to do what I had set out to do. I relaxed in front of the TV, sipping my coffee, waiting for the perfect moment.
The time has come. I turned the knob to the left and waited for the room to fill with steam. I lifted my leg and stepped in to feel the warm water rush over my face and listened, for a few moments, to the echo of water drenching my head.
At last…I get to wash my hair."
Tue Jun 15, 12:34:00 PM EDT
No award, I just like re-reading it over and over and over.
Hey Whit. Can I get an amen?
Heh. Heh.
Speaking of sexuality. On this subject, there will be no awards lest I be accused of being condescending on the one hand or too PC on the other.
We have had Selah here for many years as our lone lesbian representative of the gay community. However, this has been a breakout year at the EB.
Whit once commented
whit said...
"I suspect that Ash is a metrosexual and Teresita is a thespian."
Mon Sep 06, 12:41:00 PM EDT
Well, what about these guys,
rufus said...
"I think I'm turning Gay."
Fri Oct 22, 12:49:00 PM EDT
And
What is "Occupation" said....
"Can straight men come and play too or are we excluded?
I have always felt 55% - 65% of lesbians just never met the right man, or have been abused as a child...
I guess some women actually might feel like they only want a women but maybe it's just the pressure to be politically correct.
I point to myself as an example, I am actually a lesbian.
I really dont like men, they are stinky,,,
I like boobs and fuzzy places, not turgid rods of flesh...
Hell, I am not even fond of my own thing, i tolerate it...I'd rather play with a woman's thing than my own...
Given any day, I'd rather play with a woman's set of knockers than my man boobs...
Again, i'd rather squeeze Jenn Aniston's ass than Mike Dikas's..
Now tell me, from a scientific point of view there is really no difference from a man ass or a woman's, but no I dont want to squeeze the man's ass.. I want the womans...
So I am a lesbian... A real one, one with a penis..."
Tue Sep 14, 10:40:00 AM EDT
Let’s face it folks. If this trend continues Deuce will be changing the name of this bar as well as the decorations. The name of the Elephant Bar will have to be be changed to “The Closet” or something similar. Or, as Whit put it,
whit said...
I think we should change the name of this joint to the "Elephant Bizarre."
Ok, let’s take another commercial break and when we come back we’ll play out last nominated song for EB Song of the Year
Welcome back. Now our final nominated song for the EB Song of the Year. Here is Marc Cohn singing I’m Already Home
Thanks Marc. That was great.
All right, there you have it, the four nominated songs for the Bosco for Elephant Bar Song of the Year, the song that best represents the spirit of the EB.
Anyone who wants to vote can do so now. The winner will be announced later in the program. Once again the nominees are:
So Much Cooler on Line by Brad Paisley
I Love This Bar sung by Toby Keith
Hotel California by the Eagles.
I’m Already Home sung by Marc Cohn
One of them has to win folks.
Thanks. You know this is one great crowd. Is everyone having a good time?
Excellent.
Let’s have another round of applause for Deuce and Whit and the great job they do here at the EB.
Dynamite.
I will mention one note of concern I have, is that all of the ‘Whipped Lighting’ seems to have disappeared. Don’t know where it is and we have a ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ policy here on things like this. However, a word of warning, that stuff can knock you on your ass when you are taking it directly out of the can. So be careful people. It would have been nice if we had something to put it on but the cookies Stella B. Starlight brought to the pot-luck lunch were gone in no time and Whit used up all the Jello shots quelling that little tiff we had outside earlier.
Well, moving on.
Now, keeping with the same low level of discourse, the Bosco for the Let It All Hang-out Girl award goes to Melody for this post:
MeLoDy said...
"Well (bleep) let's just say you're one cock sucking, dick licking, pussy snatching funny motherfucker."
(:
Tue Jul 27, 09:
Whoa baby! Pretty heavy stuff. But note, she says it with a smile. It’s going to take a while to wind down from some of these posts so let’s go to another commercial break. We’ll be right back.
Whew. Still wound up from some of those posts, but damn we’re here to party. Let’s lighten things up a little.
Each holiday we get a number of seasonal posts meant to extend the spirit of the particular holiday. This year’s Bosco for the Spirit of Easter award goes to the rat for this one.
desert rat said...
"Hippidy hoppity Easter is here!
It's just another shitty day in Paradise, darlin'.
Car bombings in Baghdad -
Children bein' raped in the Congo.
Your good Lord, he does work in mysterious ways.
Mine, they let's me work out my problems, myself. Vengeance is mine to take, sayeth Thor & Odin, not theirs to bestow.
The Swedes, those real old school living on the edge Swedes, they knew the real deal.
Before those nasty Romans changed the religion game and turned all those whirled conquering pagans into socialist sissies."
Sun Apr 04, 08:11:00 AM EDT
desert rat said...
"Not to forget the Lord's good works through pedophile Priests, here and abroad.
The Chief Priest, his spokes folk dismiss this challenge to the Church's credibility, as gossip, perhaps rumors, as well?.
According to a report from the Wall Street Journal
VATICAN CITY—
A senior Vatican cardinal defended Pope Benedict during an Easter Mass in St. Peter's Square attended by the pope, dismissing criticism of the pontiff's handling of the sexual-abuse crisis as "gossip".
Sun Apr 04, 08:19:00 AM EDT
Thanks, rat, for that inspiring, uplifting epistle.
I’m sure we all went away a little lighter of heart after that.
Nothing says, “Happy Easter” like a post from rat.
OK rat, come on up and rope this little bear statuette.
Well folks, as you know we are nothing if not jokesters here at the EB. With that in mind, we would like to highlight some of the contributions of our many posters. And while none of these rise to the level of Bosco-Worthy they still do provide an occasional chuckle.
"The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.
The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ...
"In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."
"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests" "What is your FIRST request???'
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.
"You have a very fine and loyal horse", "But I will still kill you in two days."
"What is your SECOND request???" The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.
As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.
She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your LAST request?"
The Lone Ranger responds,”I'd like to speak to my horse, alone."
The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, "READ MY LIPS!!!!"
FOR... THE... LAST... TIME...
"BRING POSSE"
Wed Jun 23, 06:33:00 PM EDT
Next,
sam said... Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember .. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks. 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?' 'Sure.' 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks. 'No, I can remember it.' 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?' He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.' 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks. Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!' Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast ?' Tue Sep 28, 11:52:00 PM EDT And from our Mensa winner, The Cleaning Lady said... Abbreviated Version: Elderly couple got in the car after dining out and drove several miles down the road before the woman noticed she forgot her purse at the restaurant. The husband cursed all the way as they turned around and drove back. When they finally reached the restaurant, the husband said, get my hat while you're in there too. ........................... I think we're on the same mailing list. Wed Sep 29, 12:10:00 AM EDT rufus said...
This is really funny. The Race Card is Maxed Out
Jon Stewart, and the Comedy Show "Black Correspondent."
Fri Aug 13, 02:57:00 AM EDT
sam said...
On holidays in India recently, I saw a sign that said : English speaking Taxi driver.
I thought, what a good idea, why don’t we have them in our country?
Wed Oct 06, 10:36:00 PM EDT
trish said...
"After the Revolucion, Compadres. After the Revolucion."
Hey, I offered to bring a lovely potato gratin to the Revolution. Surreptitiously, of course.
Figured it would, ah, get me special consideration in the aftermath.
Sat Jul 24, 06:02:00 PM EDT
Thanks guys and gals.
We can always use a chuckle.
At this point in the show, I would like to again recognize the guys who make all this happen. They put in a tremendous amount of work to keep drinks flowing and the blog streams interesting and continuous.
Activity at the EB usually looks like this clip more or less but it can be amusing and even interesting at times.
Deuce said...
for Rufus' eyes only
Thu Apr 29, 11:57:00 AM EDT
However, right now I’d like to put up a retro from the blog archives that was run earlier this past summer. No retrospective or awards program could top this. They can only try to add a little ancillary color over a period of time.
From the archives: Sunday, May 04, 2008 Post 2000 At the EB - Drinks are on the House.
It’s been great from the beginning and given the thousands of posts streams the guys have put up it would be impossible to pick a winner; therefore we are just offering this brief sample from 2010:
Cnange You Face If you don't like your face, change it!
Posted by Deuce at 1/29/2010 05:18:00 PM 6 comments
Labels: bian lian, Changing face
The Dude Abides
Posted by whit at 1/29/2010 05:14:00 PM 9 comments
Pole Dancing
Pole Dance video Deuce
Posted by Deuce at 4/09/2010 06:45:00 PM 19 comments
Labels: Pole Dancing
Thanks Deuce and Whit for a Great Job.
Hopefully, there will be thousands more in the coming years. Let’s face it, we’ll never run out of subjects to discuss.
And that reminds me.
At this time, I like to take a moment to point out some of the holidays we didn’t celebrate at the EB this year, holidays that may have presented some unique opportunities for classic posts.
Things We Missed This Year
• Martin Luther King Holiday Jan 18, 2010
[Perhaps a celebratory brunch featuring finger sandwiches and devilled eggs]
• International Earth Day March 20, 2010 at 1:32 pm (EDT)
[Earth Day falls on the day of the vernal equinox. Perhaps a toga party with unbridled abandon]
• “420” April 20, 2010
[Designated day for celebrating the smoking of marijuana. Enough said. Perhaps some munchies]
• Oprah’s No Phone Day April 30, 2010
[Turn off your phone and enjoy the silence. Sounds kind of boring, but hell it’s Oprah’s No Phone Day. Don’t mess with Oprah]
• A moment in time (pictures) May 2, @ 15:00 Hours (UTC)
[Take a picture and add it to this marvelous global mosaic. If you’ve got nothing better to do, what the hell]
• A Moment of Darkness July 17, 2010
[The idea is to turn out your lights and enjoy the night sky. However, I guess once the lights go out anything goes. Be careful in high crime areas]
• International Beer Day August 5, 2010
[Like “420”, this holiday is self-explanatory. There has been a growing effort to move this holiday along with “420” to the vernal equinox and the toga party, have a “Moment of Darkness” and enjoy a real holiday. If you approve of this idea, please let your officials in D.C. know of your wishes]
Missed opportunities. Perhaps next year.
And now my personal Bosco for Humanitarian of the Year award goes to Deuce for,
Deuce said...
"There is no proof that it ever happened."
Wed Sep 29, 07:24:00 AM EDT
Deuce said...
"Eyewitness testimony is very suspect."
Wed Sep 29, 07:24:00 AM EDT
Thanks Deuce.
Now let’s recognize a young metaphysician who’s making a big splash at the EB lately. Melody’s a young girl who has long nurtured an intense interest in the Zodiac and the life lessons provided by the stars. She has recently taken her enthusiasm and her art to new levels as she turned professional here at the EB and posted the horoscopes for Sagittarius and Capricorn.
Here’s a partial,
MeLoDy said...
Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19
My photo
"The celestial bodies are the cause of all that takes place in the sublunar world" ~Thomas Aquinas…
con’t.
Tue Dec 21, 08:28:00 PM EST
Great work Mel.
Everyone at Souls-R-Us is proud of you.
And now we have a special Bosco that is being awarded to Ash. It’s the Better Late Than Never” award.
The official cutoff for the 2010 nominations was November 30; however, it took Ash so long to get in a good post that didn’t fall into the ‘exceptions’ category that the committee decided to make another exception and allow in this fine post.
Ash said...
animated stats:
200-countries-200-years-4-minutes.
Sat Dec 11, 09:27:00 AM EST
Great job Ash. Try and get them in on time next year.
You will note that Ash would have qualified for the Too Lazy to Link award had we awarded it.
Therefore, H/T to Deuce for this policing action,
Deuce said...
Ash's excellent link
Sat Dec 11, 09:33:00 AM EST
The official cutoff for the 2010 nominations was November 30; however, it took Ash so long to get in a good post that didn’t fall into the ‘exceptions’ category that the committee decided to make another exception and allow in this fine post.
Ash said...
animated stats:
200-countries-200-years-4-minutes.
Sat Dec 11, 09:27:00 AM EST
Great job Ash. Try and get them in on time next year.
You will note that Ash would have qualified for the Too Lazy to Link award had we awarded it.
Therefore, H/T to Deuce for this policing action,
Deuce said...
Ash's excellent link
Sat Dec 11, 09:33:00 AM EST
And speaking of Too Lazy Too Link, even though I have to create the link myself, I have to recognize Trish for this crazy commercial
trish said...
"Just thought I'd mention that in a rare confluence, EB and Balloon Juice had Kylie Minogue posts within hours of one another. At the latter establishment, it was Annie Laurie who posted a safe for work version of Minogue's - how to put it? - potentially discombobulating Hanes underwear ad:"
I've been listening to the song ever since.
Wed Jun 09, 10:21:00 AM EDT
The commercial is cool, the music catchy, Kylie is hot, and the theme just perverse enough to make it interesting. The main question it leaves, however, is “What is the significance of the horse?” Your answer to that question may go a long ways in defining you and your past experiences.
Nice job Trish.
And since we granted one exception in December, we had to grant one for this History's Mysteries award granted to WiO.
What is "Occupation" said...
Condom History
In 1872 the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.
In 1873 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
Sat Dec 04, 03:19:00 PM EST
You said it bro. And for saying it you get that special award.
Good job.
Ok guys and gals, we are now approaching the big one in tonight’s presentation, the award for Poster of the Year for 2010. However, before we do that, I would like to show you some of the competition the winner was up against.
Run the clips!!!
rufus said...
“And, for you whining, sniveling little Gen X'ers out there, or Gen Y'ers, or metro-queers, or whatever you're calling yourselves, today, Fuck Off!
It was "My" Soc. Sec. money that the government gave you in your unpaid student loans, and your mortgage tax credit on the houses you flipped, and, ultimately defaulted on.
It was My soc sec money that financed the Wars for Oil that gave you cheap gasoline, and allowed you to cruise around in your gas-guzzling Mercedes, and 4x4's.
So, have a nice day, nitwits; and, oh yeah, don't be late with the check. I wasn't allowed to be late with mine.”
Tue Aug 31, 09:16:00 AM EDT
Nick said...
"Politics suck. Time for a Revolution!"
Sat Jul 10, 12:40:00 AM EDT
Gag Reflex said...
"Does anyone else see the irony of our African American President putting a "Tan" tax on tanning salons? LOL"
Tue Sep 28, 10:06:00 AM EDT
sam said...
"Man driving down road.
Woman driving up same road.
They pass each other.
The woman yells out the window, PIG!
Man yells out window, BITCH!
Man rounds next curve.
Man crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road!
Thought For the Day: If men would just listen."
whit said...
"Two weeks after being rescued from a collapsed mine, A non-English speaking Chilean man is seen on whirled-wide television singing Elvis songs is perfect English.
It is thought that the miner and his companions survived for two months underground in pre-positioned survival pods fashioned from shipping containers.
In related news, the wife and mistress of the last trapped Chilean miner are still waiting for their loved one to resurface."
Jun Nov 07, 01:54:00 PM EST
You guys are crazy. I’m not kidding. Crazy. And what an audience we’ve got here tonight. I love you guys.
We will be right back for more of this exciting awards show but right now it’s time for another commercial break.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CyJyHcVFS4M&feature=related>No. No. No. No. No…
Aaaand…
We’re back.
Well I am getting word we are running late and we’ve got a lot of show to go so I will try to speed it up.
Don’t say they haven’t been warned.
( You Have Arrived at the Penultimate Section...
...Rufus that means we have one more to go)
jeez Trish is missing her right foot but has torn off Melody's head.
ReplyDeleteNever bet on the vegetarian in a all out brawl.
The meat eaters always win.
Hands down Toby Keith for sure.
ReplyDeleteDid you catch this commercial?
ReplyDeleteSeriously, Quirk, you put a lot of work into the Bosco's and I have thoroughly enjoyed every word.
Thank You.
It's been a hoot, Q.
ReplyDeleteIn case I'm out running around for the finale, let me say it, now, "Thanks a lot. It was a heck of a deal."
I even learned what "penultimate" wuz. :)
ReplyDeleteRufus said:
ReplyDelete"Raise top rate to 39% - Approx increase in Revenues $500 Billion. Oops, we just overshot our mark by $100 Billion."
Mr Static Analysis at work again.
Brain function static except for 24-7 white noise.
All systems normal.
Fully functioning Socialist.
JFK and Reagan Real World Experience not relevant.
That AZ shooting makes me ill.
ReplyDeleteRecently was thinking of all the negative fallout from the assasinations of the sixties.
And, Congratulations to "The Blogger of the Year."
ReplyDeleteWe ain't much around here, but we got a "Man of Mystery," a blue-balled flyfisherman, a Bear Ropin' Authority, an effin' pineapple, doo-doo head, an expert commamatrix,
the best astrologer/pageant promoter,
and the pithiest lesbo in the intertubs-o-sphere.
It ain't All bad. :)
Thanks again, Q. It wuz a "toor de forse."
ReplyDeleteOr sumpin like that.
It was sure as hell fun to read.
And, Thanks to you and Whit, also, Deuce. We appreciate it.
Reagan? Wasn't he the one that left the huge deficit?
ReplyDeleteI was thinking more along the lines of a guy that actually balanced the budget; You may have heard of him - the guy from Arkansas? They called him "Bubba?"
Had a really butt-ugly wife?