(HOROSCOPE – LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)
Origin – Libra represents the transition from light to dark, from spring and summer to fall and winter. It comes at the time of the Autumnal Equinox when the lengths of day and night are equal. The scales represent balance not only in the seasons but in individuals. With Libra, the ‘night force’ begins to increase and symbolizes a growing awareness of the needs of others.
Controlling Body – Venus
Lucky Day – Friday
Color – Blue
Element – Air
Symbol – Scales
Lucky Number - Six
Compatible Signs – Gemini, Aquarius
Incompatible Signs – Scorpio, Capricorn
Famous Libras – Bob Geldolf, Eugene O’Neill, Friedrich Nietzsche, William Faulkner, Heinrich Himmler, David Ben-Gurion, Johnny Carson, Margot Fontaine, Dwight Eisenhower, Eleanor Roosevelt, Mahatma Ghandi, Eddie Rickenbacker, Lillie Langtry, Desmond Tutu
Libra Quote (Male) – Michael Crichton: “We are all assumed, these days, to reside at one extreme of the opinion spectrum, or another. We are pro-abortion or anti-abortion. We are free traders or protectionist. We are pro-private sector or pro-big government. We are feminists or chauvinists. But in the real world, few of us hold these extreme views. There is instead a spectrum of opinion.”
Libra Quote (Male) – William O Douglas: “No patent medicine was ever put to wider and more varied use than the Fourteenth Amendment.”
Libra Quote (Male) – Oscar Wilde: “The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.”
Libra Quote (Male) – Gore Vidal: “The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so. “
Libra Quote (Female) – Katherine Mansfield: “Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy, you can't build on it it's only good for wallowing in.”
Libra Quote (Female) – Deborah Kerr: “Personally, I think if a woman hasn't met the right man by the time she's 24, she may be lucky.”
Libra Quote (Female) – Margaret Thatcher: “I always cheer up immensely if an attack is particularly wounding because I think, well, if they attack one personally, it means they have not a single political argument left.”
Attributes – Diplomatic, urbane, romantic, charming, easygoing, sociable, idealistic, peaceable, graceful, poised, generous, loving, affectionate, indecisive, changeable, gullible, flirtatious, self-indulgent, at times selfish and self-willed.
An ancient Irish/Italian seeress and astrologer has been quoted as saying: “While Librans are charming and elegant and captivating no one is that perfect. They are unreliable and not trustworthy. They will break your heart in second. They are also fickle. They are self-centered and only think of themselves.” (One has to question whether she was speaking from an astrological or a personal perspective.)
At any rate, while all that may be true, you also have the other side of the Libra, the idealistic side, the romantic side, the side that loves society, beauty, and other people, the side that wants to avoid confrontation, the side that is always looking for the compromise that will make everyone happy. However, the Libra does not like criticism in any form and the compromise they seek and will ultimately accept will have to reflect the Libra’s own enlightened thinking on the subject.
Most Libras tend to be progressives. Many are Democrats. The entire population of Canadian consists primarily of Libras. Because of their liberal tendencies, many Libras are into wife swapping.
Libras are tolerant and strong supporters of equality. Most are PC and practice moral relativism. They abhor conflict of any kind. Libras tend to be sissies.
In truth, the Libra is often loved for his gentleness, consideration, intellect, poise, and graciousness right up to the point that he is hated for his indecision, self-centeredness, and shallowness.
Most Libras also tend to be bi-polar.
In most relationships, the Libra is a diplomat. He tries to find something to like in everybody. As noted above, he hates conflict and tries avoiding arguments at all cost. For this reason, he is generally well-liked and has a lot of friends. However, taking diplomacy to the extremes can oft times turn people off as in the following exchange:
You: “Waiter, could we have separate checks please?”
Libra: “No. No. I’ve got it.”
You: “I can’t let you do that.”
Libra: “You got it last time. It’s my turn.”
You: “No I didn’t.”
Libra: “I insist.”
You: “Very well. Thank you very much.”
Libra: “Not at all. Now, you’re sure you don’t mind?’
You: “No, that’s fine.”
Libra: “OK. Cause I don’t want it to look like I’m forcing you into this.”
You: “I’m fine with…”
Libra: “I mean, you did say we should…”
You: “Look why don’t we just split the bill?’
Libra: “Oh. Well sure, if you insist on it.”
Libra: “Waiter could we get separate checks please?”
The Libra is usually considered one of the most attractive signs of the Zodiac and is generally blessed with stunning good looks. This combined with their natural propensity to flatter and cajole makes them popular. They love the “better things in life.” When it comes to love they are in love with the idea of love. They like to discuss every aspect of love and are truly romantic. With the Libra, it is always the right setting, the right words, the right music, and the right flowers. There is no sweaty love making with the Libra.
Montgomery Clift, Michael Douglas, and Marcello Mastroianni are all Libras. Brigitte Bardot, Melina Mercouri, and Cheryl Tiegs are all Libras. Moammar Khadafy, Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi, and Septimius Severus are all Libyans; however, one or more of them could possibly be a Libra too.
Libras usually follow one of two paths when deciding upon an occupation. They can either fall back on their good looks, taste, and pleasant personalities to enter fields like acting, modeling, decorating, or designing. Or they can they can pursue occupations that take advantage of their diplomacy, idealism, and tendency to be fair and balanced. Many are judges, diplomats, concierges, and Fox News contributors. Mahatma Gandhi, Eleanor Roosevelt, Judge Crater, and King Solomon were all Libras.
Appropriate Libra Pets – Libra pets should reflect the personality of their owner. They should be outgoing, fun-loving, and gregarious. Otters, dolphins, and Irish Setters are appropriate pets for Libras.
-Your 2010-2011 Horoscope (Libra)–
This year is expected to offer a mixed bag for the typical Libra.
• Sparks will fly when in an attempt to impress you commission a well known cartoonist to draw a caricature of the Prophet Mohammad to pass out as gifts to your Muslim friends.
• People always seem to fall in love with the wrong person, a fact that will work to your advantage this year.
• Once again, you will be called out on your misuse of the words tortuous and torturous. Remember, a winding road is tortuous while a painful ordeal is torturous.
• Your skill as seer and trendsetter is highlighted when early on you are the first to recognize the commercial promise in linking the simple vuvuzela with the manic crowds that attend World Cup soccer events. Unfortunately, due to your own indecisiveness, you will delay acting on this insight until well after the point when the phenomena has become a past fad and merely another answer in a future game of Trivial Pursuit.
• The new pet you get next month will bring you immense satisfaction, a fact that will be highlighted in the SPCA’s lawsuit against you.
Next Month: Scorpio (monthly personalized horoscopes available by request)
Other Services
We are approaching Halloween, one of the key merchandising periods for Souls-R-Us; and this year our staff has come up with a whole series of specials designed to make this year’s holiday season one you will long remember.
MONTHLY SPECIALS:
• Numerology: The isopsephy experts at Souls-R-Us include many of the world’s great idiot savants, real numbers guys. Need an answer? Come to us. We have answers pre-packaged and ready to ship. Be among the first 1000 to order these services and receive a FREE randomly generated “Lucky Number”.
Send requests to:
We’ve Got Your Number
P.O. Box 867-5309
Ishpeming, MI 48123
• Halloween Specials: Halloween is coming and everyone is excited. Souls-R-Us has everything you need to make your Halloween party a success. Need mediums, clairvoyants, magicians, mystics? No problem. We’ve got em. Need the perfect costume. No problem. We have past-life channellers available waiting to assist you. You may even be able to use a costume you've used before. Also note that in conjunction with Aardvark Al’s Party Time Promos and Monkey Dick’s Twisted Pleasures we can also offer moon bounces, inflatables, tube dancers, scary clowns, and balloon twisters all at reasonable prices. Excellent for corporate team building.
[The first 1000 customers will receive an autographed copy of Mungo Jerry’s classic hit “In The Summertime” in 45 rpm format.]
Send requests to:
Hellzapoppin
P.O. Box 666
Hell, MI 48666
Aromatherapy: It’s time to begin enjoying the therapeutic benefits of distilled essential oils. The benefits of Aromatherapy have been recognized for over a century. We at Souls-R-Us are now prepared to stake our reputation on the efficacy of this olphactory science. Got a problem? We’ve got and answer and a scent. Our new Give Us A Whiff catalogue includes the following scents and many more:
o The Smell of Success
o Taste of Victory
o Parfum du Profit
o Fragrance of Fame
o Revenge is Sweet
Why work for success when you can just rub it on? All scents available for aerial diffusion, direct inhalation, or topical application.
[The first 1000 customers will receive an autographed 'scratch-n-sniff' photo of Paris Hilton.]
Send requests to:
Quirk
P.O. Box 1212
Rochester, MI 48308
[Note: When using the P.O. Boxes noted above, please send your phone number and for your convenience a specific time and date when you can be reached so that one of our qualified sales representatives can contact you regarding your order.]
• As always, discounts on our full range of services are available to the Rosicrucian brotherhood (secret handshake required).
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